Instead of doing the same post I accidentally do each year, see here for an example, I decided this year I would do something entirely original!
So I wrote this note, folded it and then dropped it into the landlord’s box he has in the lobby for our rent checks!
Well, when I told Lindsay about it, she didn’t think it was so hilarious. Here were her arguments, you can decide for yourself who was right:
- It’s not a real “April Fool’s Joke” or even a “joke” at all, if you say that you’re not going to pay the rent and then, in fact, you don’t pay the rent. Which I didn’t, because I’m a little short right now. My thinking was that this hilarious joke might take the landlord’s mind off of the fact that we had stiffed him.
- Everybody knows that our landlord is an alcoholic. He’s admitted as much. He’s trying to beat his addictions, but it hasn’t been easy for him. For me to say that he “reeks of gin” is a low-blow.
- Ditto the feces thing. He has a weird condition where he actually “poops” out of his sweat glands. It’s gross, but he’s a nice guy and for me to bring that up is fucked up.
- If I’m going to say such awful things about someone, why would I sign my real name? My argument to this was that he’d figure it out anyway, by simple deduction: whomever didn’t pay their rent was the perpetrator. So why not just get it over with? Plus, if he thought it was really funny, I wanted to take credit for it. She informed me that there were probably a lot of people in the building who hadn’t paid rent on time, because most of the people on Section 8 are deadbeats like us.
Whether she’s right or not, I figured I’d be a nice guy and go fish it out of the box, which I ended up having to smash to pieces. It made quite a ruckus. In my panic, I grabbed some of the other tenants’ rent checks, figuring that we could cash a few and then have the dough to pay our rent AND get that flatscreen we’ve been wanting. But of course, Ma Barker wasn’t down with that so we flushed them down the toilet since the cops are now investigating the whole incident as ‘grand larceny’.
Here’s to hoping the police don’t read my blog!