Dragon dictate – extra characters fix

I am writing this as a public service. I use DragonDictate to do all my typing. I am a writer, so it is important for me to be able to write. I have some nerve damage in my right hand, which makes typing hard. Dragon Dictate is a good solution for me. Unfortunately, it started to act weird on me. It would insert extra characters at the end of whatever I was typing. This drove me crazy. I could not find a solution anywhere on the Internet. But I found the solution, buried in the help files and I am going to share this with you, in case you are in the same boat as me. I’m not going into why this happens, but it’s something to do with when you use a keyboard or mouse in conjunction with the dictation software. Which I do and which you probably do. I found it nearly impossible to write anything, solely with the dictation software. Anyways, what you want to do is when you find the program is acting weird and generating extra characters, speak into the microphone the words “purge cache”. Then, just delete the extra characters and continued typing or dictating. It only works for a little while, so you will probably have to do it again. If you want the full explanation for why this happens, search ‚Äúpurge cache”in the help files. I hope this helps you, it has worked pretty well for me.

My offer to Conan O’Brien

Mr. O’Brien,

Much has been said about your current situation with NBC. Along with this comes speculation about what you will do next.

I have seen it estimated that even if you do sign a deal with a rival network, it will take anywhere from a year to 18 months before you are back on the air.

In TV Land, that’s a very long time and the public can be fickle. Right now it’s dangerous for you to laze about in your gold-plated mansion or one of your many luxurious yachts, frittering away the collected goodwill of the nation.

You have received many offers from various corners of the entertainment world, you even have a contest where your fans can vote on which one you should accept.

Let’s be honest. Most of these are silly. People making joke offers.

You’re a comedy writer. You should be writing comedy. Not acting in a pornographic film.

So here’s a legitimate offer: write for the most pro-active, paradigmatic newsletter the world has ever seen: Skizzleplex.

Now, I know you’re used to being treated like a big cheese, but you won’t get any special treatment here. I’m giving you the same deal I give my friends. Write a comedy piece, it can be about anything. I’ll run it. Depending on how it turns out, maybe you can do another one. The possibilities are limitless.

I think this could be the thing that gets your career back on track, I really do.

I look forward to hearing from you.


Eric Filipkowski

iPhone MMS Penis Pictures Crash Servers


(San Antonio, TX) – Mere hours after it was launched, the eagerly awaited MMS (multi-media messaging) feature for Apple’s hugely popular iPhone was disabled, as AT&T’s data servers proved incapable of coping with the massive influx of wiener pic traffic.

“Within the first few minutes, our network was flooded with nearly 3.4 million MMS messages and the early data shows that almost 98% of those were pictures of our male customers’ penises,” stated Ronald MacArthur, head of data traffic for the company.

In the weeks and days up until the feature was rolled out, AT&T had been working around the clock to make improvements to its network, in order to deal with the expected spike in customers using the service. Unfortunately, their efforts appear to have been woefully inadequate.

“I guess we just weren’t prepared for how many guys would want to send other people a picture of their ding dong,” lamented MacArthur.

An informal poll of passers-by on a crowded street downtown revealed that AT&T had vastly underestimated the appeal.

“Oh, hells yeah I’m gonna send out pictures of my dick! You can do that now??” remarked a well-dressed businessman.

“I have Verizon, but really the only thing that’s been preventing me from getting an iPhone is the fact that I can’t trick my buddies into seeing a picture of my wang by saying something like, ‘Oh hey, you gotta see what this chick is wearing!’ and then sending them a picture of my boner under the pretense that it’s some slut in a miniskirt or something like that. I’m definitely gonna get one now. Especially with them adding Microsoft Exchange support. Oh and the dick pictures too,” said another man in his early 30’s who declined to give us his name, lest he tip off his friends to his planned shenanigans.

“Are you kidding? I sent like twenty already!” Enthused another young man who was actually in the process of taking yet another picture of his genitals to send out from his iPhone as we interviewed him, apparently unaware that the service had been disabled.

Female iPhone users seemed less enthusiastic about the feature. IT professional, Melanie Browning, complained that she had already received several unwelcome pictures from her male friends and co-workers.

“It’s idiotic. At this point, I realize that it’s not going to be a picture of a cute puppie. I’m not that stupid. Hold on a second, my dad just sent me a picture of his new car–Oh god!” Ms. Browning then began sobbing uncontrollably.

On their website, AT&T would not provide a solid timeline for when the service would come back online, but had this to say: “AT&T regrets further delays in rolling out the MMS service to its iPhone customers. We promise that we are hard at work, shoring up our infrastructure in order to bring you the best possible experience for tricking your friends and women you are stalking into seeing your Johnson against their will.”

Hamburger Helper #4, part 2 of 3!

Will HH be able to pull this one off? I know I’m on the edge of my seat just waiting to find out and you should be too, unless you think violence against women is no big deal. In which case, you’re a dick.


As always, you can check out this and all the other cartoons I do with Mauro Flores Jr. on Or just click the picture above.

I can predict the future!


Look how timely I am! I made a joke about cell phone cameras and now it’s come true!

[I was going to put a direct link up to only the relevant joke, but apparently WordPress won’t let me do that. So click the link above and enjoy some stand up comedy I did a few years ago!]

The article:

Your home might not be as safe as you thought


If you’re shelling out big bucks to Brinks Home Security System to watch over your house, you might be interested to know that your money isn’t going into paying for software to convert .wmv files to Mac-friendly formats.

Then again, you might be relieved that they’re cheaping out on their ad budget so that they can invest in more Ford Tauruses painted to sorta look like police cars? And of course, to pay the huge salaries of those rent-a-cops.

I don’t know, but I think this program is like 30 bucks, right? For an ad you’re putting on

I mean, nobody noticed the watermark? Really? Is their web guy trying to get fired?