Why won’t you buy this for me, Mom?

macbook pro

Well, in case you’re wondering why I never post anymore, here is the answer:

My mom won’t buy me a new computer.

Oh sure, some might say, “There’s nothing wrong with your 24″ iMac that you bought a year ago, just use that!”

Yeah right. Hey assholes, why buy new toilet paper? You just bought some last month, use that.

What’s that? Nobody wants to re-use dirty toilet paper? That’s right, because it’s garbage. Just like any computer that was made in 2008.

So buy me a new one. You’re rich. You owe me. I’m like the best son ever.

Remember February 2007? That’s right. I sent you a card for your birthday.

Now it’s payback time.


See how generous I am? I’m not even asking for the most expensive one.

I can’t type on this thing. The screen is too big. Plus, my back hurts from carrying around the car battery I use to power it on the go. I have Marfan Syndrome! I shouldn’t be doing that!

C’mon! I deserve it!

Fine. Be that way. But you’re the reason I’m not a successful writer. It’s all your fault.

Everybody knows that real writers have laptops. That way they can use them in coffee shops or the library.

Me? No laptop. Hence, I’m not a real writer. Simple enough, no?

I hate you! I wish I was dead!

Did that do it? No? Oh well, I tried.

One comment

  1. Cripes, am I glad this “Eric Filipkowski” guy is fictional! I was ready to buy him one myself. then I remembered that I am poor, and also that he is fictional. That was sure a load off my mind!

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