Friends listen to “Endless Love” in the dark

So Michael Jackson is broke and they’re auctioning off all his stuff. If you’ve been following this, you’ve no doubt oohed and aahed at the creepy little kid statues and the 800 arcade games this motherfucker has.

But you might have missed this:


That’s a pair of paintings (?) made by Jacko and Macaulay Culkin.

Seems innocent enough, right? I mean, for him?

You might picture it something like this:

Michael: Hey, let’s go play pirate ship in my bedroom under the covers with our shirts off!

Macaulay: Ummm… how about we do squiggly line paintings instead?

But then you look at the dates. Pluckin McCluckin made his in 1991 and The King of Pop did his in 1998.

There goes my 100% probable explanation!

So here’s my new one.

It’s 1998. You’re Michael Jackson. Nobody likes you anymore. Everyone thinks you’re a child molestor. Worse yet: your best bud has gotten old and ugly now. You wouldn’t even molest him if you were drunk on Jesus Juice.

What are you gonna do?

I know! Pull out some memorabilia to remind you of better times!

“Hey look, what’s this? Why it’s a painting he did back in his Home Alone days! Back when he was hot!

Well, you know what? I’m not just gonna sit here, staring longingly at this, remembering all the sexy times we had! I’m gonna make my own goddam painting!”

And then the fumes from the paint made his nose fall off. True story.



  1. You tagged this with “home alone is the best movie ever made” ??? No wonder everyone else was afraid to comment!

  2. Check out pp 186-187 in the auction catalog. If you’re not already convinced what a monumental humanitarian this man is, almost godlike, from the many life-size wax images and NAACP Awards, the 8′ tall x 11′ wide triptych and verse will do it for you. Especially if you’re a super-hot young boy.

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