I am not as good as you.

No more iPhone.

I dropped it in the toilet trying to take a picture of a monster deuce I took.

(Like who didn’t see that one coming?)

Apple says that kind of damage isn’t covered and I can’t buy a new one under the subsidized price, so it would be $599 to replace it. Seeing as I didn’t really have the money to spend on one in the first place, it looks like it’s back to my trust old Razr.

Good times.



  1. welcome back to the slums!

    you really need to chew your food before swallowing….you’re not a pelican!!!!

    ~~~all my love

  2. Too much information Eric. TMI!!!

    Now, If you’ll excuse me, these ingrown hairs on my inner left thigh have overstayed their welcome, and it’s time for plucking. I just really hope I don’t burst any of the deep, red, pustulating sores in the process!

  3. We at the ChildLeftBehind network have a database of pictures of lost and missing childrens. We have a program which scouts the internet for matching pictures.

    Our system has reported a match with the photo on this post. The child in question was presumed orphaned, as she was left on a steamy day in Cleveland behind the back door of a Convent. As she was left without paper, she had no name, and was therefore named after the Mother Superior of the Convent, Sister Ruth. She was a regular nugget of sweetness. Her spirit literally filled the air throughout the convent for several months, until one morning, she simply vanished. It was as if she had been wiped off the face of the Earth.

    It has been suspected that another nun had something to do with the disappearance. She was next in the line of succession to Sister Ruth, and had become jealous of the attention Baby Ruth had been given. She had been heard calling tha baby “a little shit”, and was not pleased at the baby’s apparent sudden status (“If anyone around here should be treated like number two, it should be me, not THAT little turd!”) . No proof was ever obtained, so no charges were filed.

    If you have information as to the whereabouts of this little beauty, please contact the
    ChildLeftBehind network at 1-966-BEHINDU.

    You can also make a donation. If you do, sometime you’ll look back and thank yourself.

  4. We have also detected a match to a missing child known as “Baby Winky Emoticon Joe”. He often pops up in unplanned, unexpected, or inappropriate places. He is yellow and round, and his height is dependent upon screeen size.

    If you have any information about this child, please call 1-977-WTFROFL.

  5. Hmm, I called that number and some chick named “Ginger” offered to talk dirty to me while I jerked off for $9.95 per minute. It only ended up costing me 32 cents!

  6. Oh, Scason, you’re so racy.

    Be careful, or we’ll start to call you “Scacy”.

    And don’t get any ideas that I’m going to start cutting MY rates. Flat fee’s a flat fee.

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