I’ve got it!
Night sweats? Check!
Violent diarrhea? Check!
Unexplained weight loss? You betcha!
There’s too many choices! Look at that programming map. I was up all night only because I didn’t want to risk going to sleep and missing anything. Plus, I couldn’t sleep.
I literally can’t stop shaking, I’m so excited!
When Li Ning appeared to float to the top of the stadium, some 300 feet up and carry the torch as he ‘ran’ around the lip of the roof, before lighting the great cauldron of fire, I was captivated.
And I made a choice, right then and there.
Oh sure, I could have ran down the hall to relieve myself, believe me when I say the thought occurred to me, as I was in an incredible amount of pain, but I wasn’t gonna watch this on YouTube or see the highlights on the news later. I was going to experience it – live! (Well, with a 19 hour tape delay). Sheets be damned!
And who knew that badminton could be so exciting? Trust me, folks. This isn’t the game your remember playing in your backyard. Also, my ears won’t stop bleeding.
I think I eventually passed out in a pool of my own sick around 5 or 6 this morning, only to be woken by the heart-pounding finale of the opening ceremonies where Li Ning appeared to float to the top of the stadium, some 300 feet up and carry the torch as he ‘ran’ around the lip of the roof, before lighting the great cauldron of fire!
That’s right, Mr. Bojangles, grab your fiddle and sing me a goddam song, because I can bend fucking time! 23 skidoo! Olympics! Yeah!
So as I look forward to the next 16 days of programming, I’m going to rely only on my love of this great country to get me through this ordeal. With His help, I will get there. If not, it’s been nice knowing you, Steve.
11 bottles of generic Ralph’s green iced tea with citrus flavor
1 8 oz glass bottle of Coke
10 cans of 7 Up
An unopened six pack of Yakult that my girlfriend bought and never drank and is probably a few months past its shelf life.
1 pocket full of rainbows
A 12 pack of BL Lime
1 Miller Chill
1 Bacardi Mojito
1 empty Brita Class (48 oz.) water pitcher