Here’s why the internet sucks.

I know, I could go on for hours and hours, but I’m talking about the one thing that makes being online a thoroughly unpleasant experience, day in and day out.

No, I don’t mean those busy signals when you try and dial in to AOL! ROFL!

I’m talking about hate. Ugly, blinding, fascist rage.

You know you’ve seen it. You’ve probably be on the receiving end of it. Actually, you’ve probably been on the giving end of it too. I know that I have.

Someone comes along and says something you don’t agree with and it just burns you up inside! In real life, you wouldn’t have the balls to do anything about it, but luckily, this is the internet, so all you have to do is fire off a quick, anonymous note letting this son of a bitch know what a faggot he is and how if he was here right now, you’d kick his ass!

Sure.

Maybe you don’t think this is a big deal. It’s just some angry, impotent teenagers from the midwest venting some displaced hostility, what’s the real harm?

The harm is that the internet is no longer just a fringe element anymore. The harm is that this is what passes for discourse in society now.

If you don’t believe me, if you think I’m making this up or at least exaggerating the state of things, you’ve probably never looked at the comments on YouTube.

Like the ones for the video, Drunk History 3.

This is a popular web series where someone gets drunk, talks about history and then actors re-enact these moments, word for word.

It’s really funny, has become somewhat of an internet sensation and has been mostly free of criticism for its historical inaccuracies. (Like Alexander Hamilton having a cell phone.)

That is, until it was hosted by a woman.

Now I’m not here to debate sexism or the historical details of the Fugitive Slave Act.

Based on the fact that I know Jen Kirkman to be an intelligent person who has better things to do with her time than bait people on YouTube comment forums, I’m going to side with her on this one and say that she is correct and they are wrong.

That said, if you want to argue that it’s not sexism that caused these people to belittle her assertions about this contentious historical happening, you are wrong.

How do I know? Because I know the internet is a place filled with angry, hateful people. People who don’t want a woman holding revered historical figures accountable for their less-than-savory actions, apparently.

And there’s nothing that people filled with hate love more than putting uppity women in their place.

Yes, most of the comments are positive, but that doesn’t lessen the effects of the ones that aren’t. I’m not going to repost them here, if you’re that curious, go look for yourself. Or don’t. You’ve seen them all before. There’s nothing new in the way of condescension here.

You have to ask yourself, what kind of people would react this way? If you don’t like a video, why not just stop watching, go watch something else?

In general, why is the onus on you to inform people that they are wrong or that they are fat and ugly or that their video/singing/acting/stand-up comedy sucks? Who does this?

If I am the worst singer in the world and I put up a video of me singing, why does it enrage you so much that I would dare to do that? It’s not punishment enough that I think I’m good but I’m actually horrible? Do you think that I need to be stopped before life’s rich, bountiful harvest is bestowed up on me? You have to make sure I’m aware of it too? For what reason? So that I don’t steal your share of these blessings?

You know, the ones reserved for people with no talent?

Getting back to the topic, this is a comedy video. A very funny one, but still, a comedy video based on the recollections of someone who is intoxicated. This is not shown in schools to children. Yet, some people watched it and something in it made them so angry, they took the time to make personal attacks on the people in it.

I know this is asking a lot, but be honest here: why did you watch this video and feel the need to point out to the world that you think some of the things in it weren’t right?

People don’t get angry about historical inaccuracies, they just don’t. I don’t buy it. There’s something else going on here. Something uglier.

Now, that’s fine, call me a little whiny bitch who can’t take criticism and starts crying about it when people pick on me or my friends, but know you’re missing the point.

There’s always been anger. There’s always been angry people. But now there’s this magical device which connects all of them and removes the consequences of sharing their anger with others.

You’ve been raised your whole life to think that you’re special. That you’re smarter than everyone else. But life hasn’t really lived up to that, has it? You do a job that anybody could do, you aren’t particularly popular with women. You’re not rich. People you consider morons have much more money and success than you.

So you start looking for answers. And like your predecessors throughout history, you’ve chosen not to look in the place you should, you look elsewhere, outside yourself.

You blame the Democrats. Or the Republicans. Or women. Or blacks. Or gays. Or whatever. You’re probably blaming me right now for not including “men” or “whites” on that list.

But the truth is, it’s you. You’re not that smart. You’re not an exceptional person. There’s probably not anything you do that much better than anyone else in the world and if there is, it’s not a big deal anyway and doesn’t contribute anything.

And now I’m doing it too. Because the real danger of unbridled, anonymous hatred is that it’s contagious. It’s a quick fix for people to feel better about themselves.

So I’m sorry I said that about you. I didn’t mean it.

I’m sure there are people out there who think you are special. Who love you. Focus on them. Let that be enough. Let their opinions be the ones you care about. Not some strangers who just wanted to make a funny video.

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20 comments

  1. Whats up Eric.

    No hate from me here. Just writing to say I enjoy your comedy and to keep it up. I subscribe to your YouTube channel, wondering if C.M. is gonna post another vlog? “Time to go to work” is hilarious. I just saw your Burger King commercial. Really funny!

    And you make a valid point here about misplaced, random, anonymous hatred spread on the internet.

    I don’t think theres any cure for it though. Too make anonymous assholes out there that think their opinions are important for some reason.

    But you can’t be all mad, if it weren’t for assholes posting shitty comments, you’d have no topic for this blog.

  2. Oh my God! You are a true man! Thank you for this! You’re right…in general, about any angry internet stuff, stuff against Obama and Hillary is an example of what you said, “There’s something else going on here. Something uglier.”

  3. Geez, what’d you pay this guy? I mean really–subscriptions, “C.M.”, hilarity, funniness and validity–all in the same response?!

    Oh wait, I guess shitty, asshole was there too.

  4. That’s it! The internet is canceled. Way to go, YouTubers. You ruined it for everybody.

    In all seriousness, these people are the lowest common denominator of society. The thing about the internet is we have absolutely no societal filters in place to separate the good from the bad. The internet is very similar to what would probably occur with the collapse of government and society after a nuclear war. You see it in all of these movies like the Mad Max series, The Postman, and Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, but many people think, “Oh, it wouldn’t be like that!” Yes it would. Look at the L.A. riots. Look at New Orleans. Look to other countries such as Sudan and Darfur. We are really at heart just animals, and animals destroy each other at will without regard for whether it is right or wrong. Take away our flimsy restrictions and fear of retribution, and that’s when the dark side of man comes out.

    Sorry for the buzzkill.

  5. now there’s this magical device which connects all of them and removes the consequences of sharing their anger with others—–
    well said!
    gives more people the opportunity to “burn crosses” and such on anyone’s monitor.
    I’m at the age where my eyebrows fall off when I read some of the comments…

    ~kate

  6. Gee, “Scott”. I guess that means you don’t feel “restricted” taking advantage of me “Mad Max” style under the bridge every other night and twice on the 1st of the month? I mean, look at Vermont.

  7. Well, the 1st of the month is the day I get my welfare check. Sorry if I go a little bonkers on that day, but free money from the gubmint is a national aphrodisiac.

    Vermont is the home of Phish, Ben & Jerry’s, maple syrup, and lots of people who smell like patchouli. “Wanna join my drum circle?” Die in a fire, hippie!

  8. Eric,

    you are a whiny bitch who can’t take criticism and starts crying about it when people pick on me or my friends. There I said it. Now I can’t take it back. If I were a better plagiarist, I would have change “me” to “you”, but I am lazy, and I just learned how to copy and paste. Plus I like to think that you are thinking of me, and have my back, even though I let you call yourself a whiny bitch.

    OK. I love you. No. Not like that. Stop touching my ass.

    OK, now I know I’m probably going to get “Road Warriored” for this, but Jen, you have to know that it goes both ways. To make the direct comparison about hateful and unsubstantiated assertion, like him or hate him, you need to take a good look at what people say about Bush. I’ve got got news for you. If he was Satan, the Antichrist, a coke freak, or a dumbass, it would be obvious. Yet those comments somehow end up on CNN. On an indirect comparison, look what they said about Tony Snow. Good guy. Does his Job. Enjoy his life. Yay! He was a conservative, so we’re all so happy he got cancer and died because he was a scumbag. Not on the internet. In the news.

    Too many people think they are in a victim class because they are so sure that they are right that anyone who feels differently is either an idiot, a fascist, a persecutor, or an elitist.

    Eric’s right. They’re all full of shit, because they are failing to see their own personal weaknesses , and to acknowledge that truth is subjective. Facts are solid, but truth is based upon perception.

    I can call Bush a faggot, Hillary a fascist neocon nazi, McCain a nigger, or Obama a cunt, but it doesnt’ show anything but my ignorance. And as offensive as those words are to so many people, given the right night, and the proper number of drinks, I would consider having sex with a nigger, a fascist neocon nazi, or a cunt. Faggot’s on his own. although I might fix him up with a friend.

    If we’re going to hate any class of people, why can’t it be somebody who really deserves it, like murderers or child molesters. So we’re going to condemn Pat Robertson and free Tookie. What the fuck is that? Pat’s just out there. Tookie, well…

    So killers and baby rapers are sick. I have a cure. Lop off their heads and fuck ’em in the neck. That ain’t political. It’s fuckin’ JUSTICE. I don’t give a shit what you say, I’m carrying MY gun to the mall so I can save your defenseles ass if some prick decides to come take potshots because he thinks he can get away with it, and he wants some attention. And that’s OK, because, Jen, you’re worth an awful lot, and he’s not a fair trade for you.

    I love to laugh and make fun of the comments on both sides, because they are usually so predictable. The same buzz words. The same shitty syntax. On both sides. I comment here because, first of all, it’s a blast, but 2) there are actually a few intelligent people here. If I comment anyplace else, it’s usually to bait someone or to make fun of something somebody said to show them how ridiculous they are, not for wht they say, but for taking themselves too seriously.

    And if you don’t like what I’ve said, fuck you, because I’m right and anybody who says differently is a nigger faggot.

    So, anyway, people who comment on the internet are assholes!

  9. I wish I was intelligent. They don’t grow ’em that way in Texas, though, so I got the shit end of the stick for being born here.

    I kind of enjoy when people completely miss the point of my “comedy” and take it seriously. On my own little pissant blog, I wrote a completely satirical piece about how excited I was about the release of the Sex and the City movie, how it was the biggest event of the decade for males between the ages of 25 and 50, and how I got all dressed up and manicured for the premiere, onlyto have the shit beaten out of me by some guys outside of a bar on the walk to the theater. I linked it on another forum, and soon I was flooded with comments about how gay I am and how much I like “dicks in my butt” and how I can’t wait to see “Mamma Mia!” because I am obviously a gay homosexual queer lesbian gaywad who is gay.

    There’s way more unintentional comedy in the responses than I could ever hope to come up with in my tiny, stifled-by-way-of-the-inept-Texas-school-system imagination. The fact that there are people out there who can’t recognize fiction when it’s wiggling it’s dirty little pecker right in their ignorant monkey faces is far more funny than my stupid little post. I’m glad that God and Jesus and Buddha and Vishnu have such a great sense of humor to put people like that on this earth to entertain me. Not Mohammed, though. He takes himself way too seriously.

  10. I agree, Scason. Jott is very gay. I know this guy who says he’s always all “up in his face”.

    I’m going to link to a little exchange I had with some hero who apparrently has no taste in music or women. There’s a little exchange between a guy named “worm60” and some really cool cat named “theshizzamanizza”. Oh, plus it’s one of my top 10 worst moments in film, so enjoy!!

    CAUTION: YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE LOCKEROLLED!!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/comment_servlet?all_comments&v=A3p-Fr4Q-NM&fromurl=/watch%3Fv%3DA3p-Fr4Q-NM

  11. gotta agree with you on the aimless rage, though despite that thanks for getting me caught up with the rest of the youtube comedy world…in pennsylvania.

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