Look at my new iPhone!!!

Check it out! My new 3G iPhone is awesome! I bet you’re all so jealous of me and how cool I am because I have such a cool iPhone and you don’t because you’re losers!

What’s that, you say?

“Why, that doesn’t look like any iPhone I’ve ever seen!”

Just what do you think you’re implying there, Buster?

“That looks like some crappy first generation Razr that you’ve had for 3 years and dropped 20 times so the battery cover doesn’t fit anymore and sometimes the battery will disconnect and drop your call but you can’t get a new one because you don’t want to extend your contract with T-Mobile because their coverage is a joke and their customer service people keep promising to take off that 55 dollar charge they put on your account for no reason but every single time you check your account, IT’S STILL GODDAM THERE!!!”

Well, if it looks like my shitty Razr, that’s because it is.

“The internet” told me that Apple and AT&T wouldn’t drop the ball on the iPhone release, this time around.

“Oh, they’ve got plenty, don’t worry!”


I get up at six AM, which is like 3 AM for me, drive all the way out to the Glendale Galleria (for you non-LA people, Glendale is like a hotter version of Hell with more gold chains and gaudy Armani sunglasses), get to the Apple store and think, “Hmm, that line doesn’t seem so bad!” Only to find out that’s not the line.

That’s the line you wait in after you’re done waiting in the real line. The one that snakes through the mall, outside, over a bridge and 500 feet into the parking garage!

I would have taken a picture of it, if I had a brand new iPhone, but alas, I just had my Razr, with it’s shitty vga camera. Then I’d have to deal with the comments like, “Is that a line of people? Are you sure? It looks like a banana or something?”

If you’re thinking, like I did, that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad at the AT&T stores, you’d be wrong. Sure, there’s less people, but there’s also less phones.

Did I mention that none of these places will actually do a count and tell you if you’re going to spend 3 hours waiting in line for nothing, only to find out they’ve run out of their supply by the time you make it to the front of the line?

Did I mention I hate getting up early?

Why exactly is it so hard to find someone willing to actually sell you something these days? Why can’t I go into a store and buy a Wii Fit? Does Nintendo just not want/need my money? Somewhere along the line, did these people forget what a business actually entails?

Now there’s word that there are big problems on Apple’s side, as far as activations go. Maybe this explains the lines? Maybe if things had gone smoothly, I would have my new iPhone in my hands? Or better yet, it’d be sitting on the nightstand next to my bed as I slept soundly til 3 PM?


  1. Right on, dude!! I had to wait a year to get a Wii and I’m way too jaded to even try to get an iPhone. But that’s not what I’m writing you about…

    I’m doing PR for an online shopping community that pays members to review just about anything consumer tech related. When/if you do get a new iPhone (or if you end up sticking with the shitty Razr, which has served me well for the past three years, thankyouverymuch), you should check it out and see if you can make any $$ writing reviews.

    Here are the deets:
    create a member profile and start reviewing. the more friends/reviews you have, the more $$ you can get.

    Feel free to email me at julieannal@r-west.com if you have any questions or feedback. I’d love to hear what you think.

    Good luck w/ your iPhone quest.


  2. Supply and demand, my friend. Keep the supply low, increase the demand. If the market gets flooded with iPhones, demand will decrease, prices will go down. By controlling availability, Apple controls the price, the demand, and the profits keep rolling in. That’s what that homeless guy under the bridge told me while he was blowing me anyway. Something like that, I wasn’t really paying that much attention to what was coming out of his mouth, you know what I’m saying? High five!

    Same for that fucking WiiFit. I’ve been trying to buy one of those things forever so that I can watch my girlfriend hula hoop in her panties like that YouTube video, but it ain’t happening.

    Anyhoo, maybe you should look into something other than the iPhone. I hear the data fees for those things are nightmarish. You could be cool like me and get a Blackberry Pearl.

    God, I’m one of those douchebags now. Kill me.

  3. Here’s why I want an ipod. i have a mac. I like the way it works. I like that it’s got an intuitive OS. The problem with most of these blackberrys and whatnot is they’re retarded to use. It’s like a computer running windows me. And you’re locked into whatever came with the phone. I honestly don’t want to be hip, I want to be able to look up the temperature in Anaheim anytime I want. I want to pull up Epcot on Google maps and stare at it, wishing I was there right now.

  4. I know what you guys mean. I like to be on the leading edge of new stuff, too. That’s why I stood in my own enormous line this morning. Imagine, I had to wait over seven minutes only to find they were all out of the black bean the sign promised. So I just dipped my little plastic spoon into the same-ole same-ole tomato. You can bet your ASS I’m finding a new soup kitchen tomorrow!

  5. I don’t really think the Blackberry’s OS is that difficult to navigate. I’ve never had anything more than a regular cellphone until I got the Pearl a couple of weeks ago. But I can check email, check the weather, look at maps, whatever. I still haven’t figured out how to get it to blow me under a bridge yet, but I’m sure it’s in there somewhere. Until then, I guess I’ll just be sticking to the homeless crackheads!

    The thing that steered me away from the iPhone (besides the nightmarish fees I mentiooned before) or the Samsung Insight is that they’re touchscreen only, and those screens are pretty damn tough to see in full daylight. What’s the use of a fancy smartphone if you can’t use it outside where people can see how cool you are?

    Plus, the little “Pearl” that you use to navigate with looks like a little clitoris. Best of both worlds! That is, if I can figure out how to get this damned thing to blow me!

  6. Yeah, that’s another thing. At my old shelter, we could rarely even get crackers, and when we did, it was really hard to “download” them into the soup because the cups were so small, and you would have to crumble, then pour, then take a bite, then do it all over again. That’s pretty damn tough to do when you’re trying not to be stabbed.

    But then again, there’s the whole deal about the overworked servers at Blackbean. I think that’s why so many of us just go with the tOmato. It’s just a convenience thing. I mean, I don’t know about youse guys, but I usually have a pretty full day of drinking Aqua Velva (r) and squeegeeing windshields to get to.

  7. See you under the bridge downtown this afternoon, upyourface! With the money you make today, surely you’ll be able to splurge on the good stuff, like Campbell’s Select, Heinz Farmer’s Market, or Cracktown Delight (now featuring more crack chunklets!).

  8. Don’t even get me started on that whole soup-at-hand abortion. Can’t get nothin’ in that little spout!

  9. How DO you go about getting a wii? Allison wants one real bad.
    The people at apple are fascists. Have you noticed how they don’t market the iPod touch b/c they make all their money in AT&T contracts?
    I also just learned that you shouldn’t travel internationally with an iphone b/c all its data transmission(which you can’t turn off) will cost you a fortune.

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