My dreams will never dive

I’m not sure if any of you are old enough to remember this, but there used to be a restaurant in Century City that was called “Dive”. It was owned by Steven Spielberg and it was a submarine.

It closed a long time ago, right before I moved out to LA.

I can’t really express to you how much that hurts.

My whole life, I have dreamed of eating dinner inside a submarine. My club foot has kept me out of the Navy, so when I heard about this restaurant, I figured that was my one shot.

I was going to make a special trip out here, just so I could live out my fantasy, but Mr. Cheapskate thought to himself, “Nah, save your money. Once you move, you’ll go there every day!”

When I finally did make the big move, it was too late. It was closed forever.

Now I’m forced to risk getting my Annual Passport taken away because I try and sneak Fruit Roll-ups into Finding Nemo down at Disneyland.

It’s just not the same.



  1. another jizz filled repost?
    i’m starting to wonder if it was really worth paying the $49.99 upgrade subscription to hollywoodphony. other than getting a nifty pair of hollywoodphony brand pantyhose, i really haven’t seen much of a return on my investment.

    i demand fresh content!

    get on the ball, filipkowski!

  2. I ate there once. It was actually pretty annoying.

    All of the items on the menu had very obvious and not at all clever nautical-themed names; And the waiters were really pushy about making you acknowledge them. Like so:

    Waiter: One of our specials this evening is the Submarine Sandwich. *wink*

    Me: …

    Waiter: Ahem! I said the Submarine Sandwich. *nudge nudge*

    Me: Right, I got it. Submarine. Like the restaurant. How clever. *yawn*

    Waiter: Our other special tonight is Captain Nemo’s Calamari. *chortle*

    Me: …

    Waiter: You know, Captain Nemo’s Calamari. Like from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? When the giant squid attacked the Nautilus?

    Me: Look, can I just get the Hunt For Red Onion pizza with a side of Crimson Fries?

    Waiter: Sure, I’ll get that order back to the galley for you right away! Can I interest you in any Full Fathom Five Alarm Chili?

    Me: I hate you, waiter.

    Oh, wait, on second thought, I never ate there. I must have made all of that up.

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