I hate manure!

Remember that? From Back to the Future?

How come that never caught on as a catch-phrase?

I’m gonna start saying it, in day-to-day life.

At a restaurant!

Waitress: Can I get you something to drink?

Me: I hate manure!

Waitress: No Mr. Pibb for you then, LOL!

How about at a funeral?

Daughter of Deceased: I’m so glad you could come, Papa always loved your videos on funnyordie.com.

Me: I hate manure!

Daughter of Deceased: Now I don’t feel so sad!

See? It’s great!

Go watch my video.

Also, go see The Foot Fist Way.

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5 comments

  1. Pretty compelling stuff, but I think the restaurant scenario would go more like this:

    Waitres: Can I get you something to drink?

    Eric: I hate manure!

    Waitress: How about a Pepsi Free?

    Eric: They don’t even make that shit anymore! Now get back in the kitchen and bring me those grilled cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of!

    Waitress (muttering): Enjoy your jizz-filled sandwiches, dick.

    Eric: Thanks!

  2. Eric, your restaurant scenario is problematic on so many levels, I almost don’t even know where to begin. Almost.

    1. Your indication that Mr. Pibb is made of or even comparable to manure is is an affront to the fine folks at the Coca-Cola company. They work hard to bring its cinnamon and cherry sweetness to your doorstep on a daily basis, just like those old timey milkmen that were always played by cheerful black dudes on television in the 1950’s. These days, the black guys who deliver the Mr. Pibb are much more angry and menacing, and they’re likely strapped, ready to pull their gat on you and pop a cap in yo ass for disrespectin’ them in they hood. I mean, in yo hood. Anyway, a little respect for these criminals, please.

    2. Would the waitress actually say the letters “LOL?” I think not. I doubt a waitress would even know what that means. Everyone knows waitresses don’t make enough money to afford the internet, especially in places that would serve manure like Mr. Pibb.

    3. Rather than the Mr. Pibb comment, a funnier response from the waitress would have been, “So I guess you’re telling me you don’t want to try the shit sandwich then.” Instead, you decided to rip on poor old innocent Mr. Pibb. How dare you, you prick!

    4. I doubt the waitress would really be named “Waitress.” That’s just not believable at all. And who’s this “Me” character? Come on, a little character development would be nice.

    Sorry for being such a critic. If it makes you feel better, the funeral segment was pure genius.

  3. Am I the only one who thinks it’s hilarious that “Parkinson’s” is one of the words this blog is tagged by? I sure hope so, you vicious bastards!

  4. If my thoughtless quest to get a cheap laugh leads in any part to additional suffering on the part of those afflicted by this awful disease, I want you to know that I am ok with that.

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