Cookie Monster has a new vlog!

Unfortunately, you can’t watch it here, because WordPress won’t let me embed videos from

But if you click this link, you can go see it and (of course) vote “funny” so that I can feel like my whole life isn’t a huge waste of time.




  1. CM, I’ve been worried about you lately, bro. You’ve been drinking a lot, and you’re just always really depressed. I know you try to hide the pills, but we all know what’s going on. Look, take it from me, man. I know depression. There was a time there were I just hung out in the sahdows taking whatever downers I could get my trunk on. I was hooked on Halcion, Seconal, Ativan, Thorazine, you fuckin’ name it. ANything not to feel, right? It got to the point that I would snort any powder that was put in front of me. I’m just amazed I was able to pull myself out of that hell, man. You remember that time I put a gun to my head at Bert and Ernie’s 4th wedding anniversary party after downing a bottle of red wine and about 12 bars of Xanax? That was my fuckin’ rock bottom.

    Anyway, dude, this is not about me. I really think you’re in a bad way, bro, and you need some help. I really think you should talk to my NA sponsor, man. You know Gordon, he’s a fuckin’ stand up guy. Ever since he got himself off the crack, he’s been helping guys like you and me get clean,

    Look, bro, I know it’s hard, and I know you get really down on yourself. But I love you, man, we all love you. I know it really hurt you the other day when Oscar called you a whining emo pussy, but you know Oscar, man. He’s got anger issues, ya know? He told me later that he felt really bad about it. You should call him.

    The bottom line is that I’m scared for you, buddy. You’ve lost a lot of weight, you’ve grown like 3 feet for some reason. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Anything you need to help you get straight, bro, just ask. Seriously, give me call, we’ll go get a Starbucks and try to work this shit out. I love you, pal. Call me. For real.

  2. I’m truly impressed with your phamacological savvy, Snufster, but you forgot to point out to Cookie that they don’t make ‘ludes anymore. those may be Necco Wafers he’s taking. I know you guys may think that’s real funny, you know, “haha, look at the drunk freak! He thinks he’s all fucked up on ‘ludes”. Well, it’s funny until you realize that Necco Wafers and Coors Light combine to form a tranquilizer fifteen times more potent than PCP, but with the added side effect of all the rage produced by fifty-seven Mark McGwire sized steroid shots, and the drunk freak blows a gasket, rips off his dick and balls, and punches your mother with them. you won’t think it’s so funny then.

    Trust me, I was one.

  3. Get over it! You sound like Whoopi whining because the Oscars forgot to mention her in their “Magical Moments” montage. What is it with you black people always wanting credit for something?

  4. “There’s nothing there!” —- *shits ‘n giggles*
    Let’s get Bert ‘n Ernie in there & DR. Phil ‘um on how they are actually a gay couple. Then kick their asses.
    CM, you rock!… :||

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