[Well, it looks like this story has been buried too. Big surprise. Goodbye, Digg!]
What a whirlwind the past few days have been!
Of course, it was then “buried” by the users after about an hour and a half, or so.
What does “buried” mean? It means that they didn’t like it, so they clicked a button to voice their displeasure, making it go away.
Enough people thought it was so bad, that eventually, it was taken not only off of the front page, but the whole site. Technically, it’s still there, accessible only by a direct link, but you can’t search for it in any way at this point.
If you’re thinking of using Digg to promote your videos or articles, I would urge you to think twice, because if what happened to me happens to you, you’ll find yourself wondering if you should have just never bothered in the first place.
I mean, if it had never made the front page, it would still be up on the site, bringing some traffic. Not 15,000 hits an hour, but a small trickle. And I suspect that trickle would be fueled more by curiosity or interest in reading a fictional story meant to be humorous, rather than hatred, to teach a lesson to the guy who “tried to get one over us!”
The problem is, once it gets popular, you really get to the lowest-common denominator of people on the internet as a whole.
If you don’t like my story, that’s fine, that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. Though, there’s a whole element of personal responsibility that these people don’t get about free speech. One that’s missing when “John Williamson” becomes “fReAkDudE23”.
However, if you’re burying my story just because you think it’s “fake”, that’s another thing.
To you, I say this: you are seriously probably in the lowest 3% of the people in the world, IQ-wise. I am including people who are genuinely mentally retarded in that, as well. People who are deaf and mute and have no way to communicate with the outside world. They are smarter than you. By not opening their mouths, they achieve a quiet dignity you could never hope to. Honestly, you have got to be a stupid fucking moron with shit for brains whose parents probably met and hooked up at a family reunion.
My story’s fake? No shit, Einstein. It’s called “fiction”. Look it up.
Ice cream treats filled with semen didn’t tip you off? No, well, I guess stranger things have happened. Though I’m not sure how that would be accomplished in the time frame of the story.
What about the way the employee “magically” knew my father’s name? That didn’t seem like a clear indication that this story was pure fantasy? I mean, I specifically went and pointed out the fact that there was no way he could have known my dad’s name. No?
I really have to say, if you were at all an intelligent person, there is no way you would mistake the tone of this story for a factual recounting of events. The way my father speaks to Wendy, the way Wendy speaks to my father, the changes from high to low status accomplished through moronic verbal jousting. Do you really think that a sane person would try and pass this off as a truthful encounter?
How about the fact that the whole story hinges on a spelling mistake? You realize that when you speak, capitalization is only implied, not stated explicitly in the pronunciation of words, right? What’s that? You didn’t catch that part? You were too filled with rage over someone “lying” to you and in your haste to get through it so you could zing me with one of your “awesome putdowns” (and I’ll get to those in a minute) that you missed those little details?
In the end, I realize the only reason my story got popular was probably because of the picture of Carrot Top I included with it.
Funny picture make me laugh! Me digg funny picture!
There’s not too many (any?) fictional stories that get on the front page of Digg and if they do, they wear their satirical nature on their sleeve. God help you if you try and insert a little subtlety into the equation. Even so, I’ve seen stories from The Onion subjected to the same kinds of criticism.
No, Condeleeza Rice isn’t actually putting out a hip hop album.
Now, on to the fun part! The comments! I’ll change the names of the offenders to protect their widdle feelings.
AwesomeSmartGuy had this to say:
Fuck this guy. It takes real balls to pick on Minimum wage employees who *have* to take it from him. I hope this guys father had a stroke and shits his pants on a daily basis.
ToughInternetGuyWhoIsTough seemed particularly incensed, as he left 5 or 6 separate comments, this one being my favorite:
Just wondering, hay perhaps you could give me you fathers address? I just need to make something right. You won’t miss your father will you? LOL, like I would care.
Threatening fictional characters on the internet? How about my address instead?
VeryIntelligentPerson voiced the frustrations of numerous users when s/he said this:
What? He didn’t capitalize it? He was speaking… I’m lost.
ReallyFiredUpAboutThingsThatHappenedInAFictionalStory, a champion of the underclass, had this to say:
This Dick neanderthal has to show off in front of his kids and thinks he deserves to be king for a day because he dropped $13.88 at Wendy’s. Calling people Wendy at Wendy’s is not funny and bullying a minimum wage teenager is not funny either.
Responding to my points about the tone of the story, but not quite having the mental power to connect all the dots, GraspTheObvious?NoThanks chimed in:
“Buh buh buh buh,” said Dick, mocking him. We laughed. Wendy, who was now crying, tried to make a break for it, but Dick grabbed him by his apron. “Not so fast, I think you’ve got a job to do.”
uhhhh, why did this make the employee cry?
I wondered that too. It seems unlikely that anyone with the chutzpah to stand up to the father in the first place would, mere seconds after admitting his deed, start crying like a baby.
Almost there… but not quite!
In all fairness, not every comment was negative. Afterall, over 400 people seemed to like it enough to want to share it, but I guess their votes don’t count:
“now his nametag said “Wendy” and he was wearing a dress. Also, he was black. Maybe it wasn’t him.”
That was an awesome story
Thanks, ImNotRetardedWhichPlacesMeSoundlyInTheMinorityHereOnDigg! Which brings up another point I wanted to make about another unrealistic event in the story: the fact that I would confuse an African-American woman for a teenage male.
Am I the only one who thinks this story sounds rediculously fake? Jizz Frostys? An employee crying for being outsmarted? crowds just gathering to taunt, and the kid didn’t just walk away? w/e….
Yes, yes, we get it. Your peers at the Really Bright Person Detective School would be very proud of you.
Now here’s an actual complaint I would like to address:
was somewhat amusing for a while, but then i got to “Oh hey, Wendy? Just so you know, you’re gay now.”
i guess this person’s father taught him and his brother how to be homophobic assholes.
OK, this, like the accusations of racism leveled at me for making the second fast food employee black, though I never explicitly stated the first one to be white, kinda bugs me.
I guess any argument against this relies on the idea that you’d have to know this was fiction first. I think once you do, the objections are much harder to stick, in my opinion.
If you really feel that I’ve held up “my father” to be some sort of paragon of virtue for belittling people for his own amusement, that’s fine. If you think I believe it’s an admirable quality to threaten physical violence against an adolescent, that’s your prerogative, but to question a person’s right to make a fictional character with negative traits is ludicrous.
Is any author automatically deemed homophobic or racist because one of their characters says something which could be categorized as such? Is there no room for satire in this world, anymore? Could it not be that a player in a fictionalized account speak something the author intended the reader to be negative?
More importantly, how the fuck could any of you stupid shitbags mistake this for a real story? Why would you assume someone would attempt to pass it off as such, rather than jump to the much more obvious conclusion that it’s fictional?
Seriously, get some help. You can’t all be this dumb. I mean, when you graduated school back in third grade, they taught you the difference between real and imaginary, right?
I mean, all joking aside, you’ve gotta feel pretty stupid about this, right? It’s not even April Fools’ Day. Honestly, I felt dumb enough when I bought the whole “the Speed Racer car is real” article in Motor Trend. This is much, much worse.
I wasn’t even trying to trick you! I just assumed that even somebody with limited adult functionality could never mistake this for anything but a fictional story. You can use a computer, right? That’s gotta count for something. You can’t all have helper monkeys reading it for you and typing out responses for you, can you?
Well, lesson learned, I guess.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find a good clip from Family Guy to submit. Or maybe something from Ron Paul. Oh, what’s that? You’ve all decided that the one brain all 12 million of you share that isn’t that smart to begin with no longer likes him anymore? Hmm, thanks for the tip.