Seriously, Digg?

[Well, it looks like this story has been buried too. Big surprise. Goodbye, Digg!]

What a whirlwind the past few days have been!

In case you didn’t know, my story, “Fraysh Beef”, made the front page of Digg.com, driving around 15,000 hits to this site in about an hour!

Of course, it was then “buried” by the users after about an hour and a half, or so.

What does “buried” mean? It means that they didn’t like it, so they clicked a button to voice their displeasure, making it go away.

Enough people thought it was so bad, that eventually, it was taken not only off of the front page, but the whole site. Technically, it’s still there, accessible only by a direct link, but you can’t search for it in any way at this point.

If you’re thinking of using Digg to promote your videos or articles, I would urge you to think twice, because if what happened to me happens to you, you’ll find yourself wondering if you should have just never bothered in the first place.

I mean, if it had never made the front page, it would still be up on the site, bringing some traffic. Not 15,000 hits an hour, but a small trickle. And I suspect that trickle would be fueled more by curiosity or interest in reading a fictional story meant to be humorous, rather than hatred, to teach a lesson to the guy who “tried to get one over us!”

The problem is, once it gets popular, you really get to the lowest-common denominator of people on the internet as a whole.

If you don’t like my story, that’s fine, that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. Though, there’s a whole element of personal responsibility that these people don’t get about free speech. One that’s missing when “John Williamson” becomes “fReAkDudE23”.

However, if you’re burying my story just because you think it’s “fake”, that’s another thing.

To you, I say this: you are seriously probably in the lowest 3% of the people in the world, IQ-wise. I am including people who are genuinely mentally retarded in that, as well. People who are deaf and mute and have no way to communicate with the outside world. They are smarter than you. By not opening their mouths, they achieve a quiet dignity you could never hope to. Honestly, you have got to be a stupid fucking moron with shit for brains whose parents probably met and hooked up at a family reunion.

My story’s fake? No shit, Einstein. It’s called “fiction”. Look it up.

Ice cream treats filled with semen didn’t tip you off? No, well, I guess stranger things have happened. Though I’m not sure how that would be accomplished in the time frame of the story.

What about the way the employee “magically” knew my father’s name? That didn’t seem like a clear indication that this story was pure fantasy? I mean, I specifically went and pointed out the fact that there was no way he could have known my dad’s name. No?

I really have to say, if you were at all an intelligent person, there is no way you would mistake the tone of this story for a factual recounting of events. The way my father speaks to Wendy, the way Wendy speaks to my father, the changes from high to low status accomplished through moronic verbal jousting. Do you really think that a sane person would try and pass this off as a truthful encounter?

How about the fact that the whole story hinges on a spelling mistake? You realize that when you speak, capitalization is only implied, not stated explicitly in the pronunciation of words, right? What’s that? You didn’t catch that part? You were too filled with rage over someone “lying” to you and in your haste to get through it so you could zing me with one of your “awesome putdowns” (and I’ll get to those in a minute) that you missed those little details?

In the end, I realize the only reason my story got popular was probably because of the picture of Carrot Top I included with it.

Funny picture make me laugh! Me digg funny picture!

There’s not too many (any?) fictional stories that get on the front page of Digg and if they do, they wear their satirical nature on their sleeve. God help you if you try and insert a little subtlety into the equation. Even so, I’ve seen stories from The Onion subjected to the same kinds of criticism.

No, Condeleeza Rice isn’t actually putting out a hip hop album.

Now, on to the fun part! The comments! I’ll change the names of the offenders to protect their widdle feelings.

AwesomeSmartGuy had this to say:

Fuck this guy. It takes real balls to pick on Minimum wage employees who *have* to take it from him. I hope this guys father had a stroke and shits his pants on a daily basis.

ToughInternetGuyWhoIsTough seemed particularly incensed, as he left 5 or 6 separate comments, this one being my favorite:

Just wondering, hay perhaps you could give me you fathers address? I just need to make something right. You won’t miss your father will you? LOL, like I would care.

Threatening fictional characters on the internet? How about my address instead?

VeryIntelligentPerson voiced the frustrations of numerous users when s/he said this:

What? He didn’t capitalize it? He was speaking… I’m lost.

ReallyFiredUpAboutThingsThatHappenedInAFictionalStory, a champion of the underclass, had this to say:

This Dick neanderthal has to show off in front of his kids and thinks he deserves to be king for a day because he dropped $13.88 at Wendy’s. Calling people Wendy at Wendy’s is not funny and bullying a minimum wage teenager is not funny either.

Responding to my points about the tone of the story, but not quite having the mental power to connect all the dots, GraspTheObvious?NoThanks chimed in:

“Buh buh buh buh,” said Dick, mocking him. We laughed. Wendy, who was now crying, tried to make a break for it, but Dick grabbed him by his apron. “Not so fast, I think you’ve got a job to do.”
uhhhh, why did this make the employee cry?

Added SuperGenius5000:

I wondered that too. It seems unlikely that anyone with the chutzpah to stand up to the father in the first place would, mere seconds after admitting his deed, start crying like a baby.

Almost there… but not quite!

In all fairness, not every comment was negative. Afterall, over 400 people seemed to like it enough to want to share it, but I guess their votes don’t count:

“now his nametag said “Wendy” and he was wearing a dress. Also, he was black. Maybe it wasn’t him.”
haha.
That was an awesome story

Thanks, ImNotRetardedWhichPlacesMeSoundlyInTheMinorityHereOnDigg! Which brings up another point I wanted to make about another unrealistic event in the story: the fact that I would confuse an African-American woman for a teenage male.

Am I the only one who thinks this story sounds rediculously fake? Jizz Frostys? An employee crying for being outsmarted? crowds just gathering to taunt, and the kid didn’t just walk away? w/e….

Yes, yes, we get it. Your peers at the Really Bright Person Detective School would be very proud of you.

Now here’s an actual complaint I would like to address:

was somewhat amusing for a while, but then i got to “Oh hey, Wendy? Just so you know, you’re gay now.”
i guess this person’s father taught him and his brother how to be homophobic assholes.

OK, this, like the accusations of racism leveled at me for making the second fast food employee black, though I never explicitly stated the first one to be white, kinda bugs me.

I guess any argument against this relies on the idea that you’d have to know this was fiction first. I think once you do, the objections are much harder to stick, in my opinion.

If you really feel that I’ve held up “my father” to be some sort of paragon of virtue for belittling people for his own amusement, that’s fine. If you think I believe it’s an admirable quality to threaten physical violence against an adolescent, that’s your prerogative, but to question a person’s right to make a fictional character with negative traits is ludicrous.

Is any author automatically deemed homophobic or racist because one of their characters says something which could be categorized as such? Is there no room for satire in this world, anymore? Could it not be that a player in a fictionalized account speak something the author intended the reader to be negative?

More importantly, how the fuck could any of you stupid shitbags mistake this for a real story? Why would you assume someone would attempt to pass it off as such, rather than jump to the much more obvious conclusion that it’s fictional?

Seriously, get some help. You can’t all be this dumb. I mean, when you graduated school back in third grade, they taught you the difference between real and imaginary, right?

I mean, all joking aside, you’ve gotta feel pretty stupid about this, right? It’s not even April Fools’ Day. Honestly, I felt dumb enough when I bought the whole “the Speed Racer car is real” article in Motor Trend. This is much, much worse.

I wasn’t even trying to trick you! I just assumed that even somebody with limited adult functionality could never mistake this for anything but a fictional story. You can use a computer, right? That’s gotta count for something. You can’t all have helper monkeys reading it for you and typing out responses for you, can you?

Well, lesson learned, I guess.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go find a good clip from Family Guy to submit. Or maybe something from Ron Paul. Oh, what’s that? You’ve all decided that the one brain all 12 million of you share that isn’t that smart to begin with no longer likes him anymore? Hmm, thanks for the tip.

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60 comments

  1. FAKE! i didnt bye this story at all. the guy talkin wasnt even teh same guy in the pictur at teh top of teh page! I H8 IT WHEN PEEPLE LIE LIKE DAT! whatevs, i’m outtie 5000!

  2. Yeah, I’m lying. You got me on that one. This is the same shit I have to put up with on Digg. Who the fuck cares if it’s real or fake as long as it’s–

    Wait a minute, that’s not really Scott Baio! You’re the fucking liar, not me!

  3. I’ve had jizz frosty’s and they’re actually not half bad!

    I mean, what?!? You’re a fucking liar.

    You should form the Liar’s Club.
    I want in you prick…you hear me in there?

  4. Someone sounds a little butt-hurt. Why do you care what these retarded Diggers think in any case?

    Also, your story was inane and unfunny. And full of lies.

  5. OK, let me reiterate.

    “Inane and “unfunny” is fine. That’s your opinion.

    “Full of lies” is the part I’m having a problem with.

    Is Donkey Kong “lying” because he’s not a real monkey?

    Is Bill Murray a liar because he’s not a real Ghostbuster?

    C’mon, you’re English, is Ricky Gervais a liar too?

  6. So…you’re a liar? I knew it, i knew from the first time that you were a liar, I never read the story and I knew you were a liar! I knew you were a liar before everything happened. You are a bad bad liar. I hope you lie till you die! Dude…seriously…who cares? You sound like a little bitch.

  7. I’ll field this one, ToughInternetGuy. Yes, Eric. Ricky Gervais is a liar because he doesn’t really work in an office. Or at least not in that office that you see him working in on “The Office.” He probably does have a real office somewhere, but that’s not the point. The point is that “fiction” is just another word for “lie.”

    A list of other notable liars:

    William Shakespeare – No way did that A Midsummer Night’s Dream shit actually happen. A donkey’s head?!? What a lie!
    Neil Patrick Harris – He’s not even a doctor now, let alone when he was like 13 years old! Stop lying!
    William Faulkner – That whole The Sound and the Furything about the destruction of that antebellum Southern family because of the slutty girl and the retarded kid? NOT REAL! Thanks for lying, drunky!
    Jon Bon Jovi – He’s not a cowboy, and he’s probably never even ridden a steel horse. Someone should shoot him down in a blaze of glory. At least then he wouldn’t be lying about how he was shot down in a blaze of glory!
    Heath Ledger – This guy is not a “joker.” He’s not even funny! He’s dead and decaying in a hole somewhere in Australia. How is that funny? It’s not! He was a gay redneck, though, so at least he could tell the truth every now and then.
    Captain Kangaroo – Not only is this guy not a marsupial, but I am also beginning to seriously doubt the validity of his so called military record.

    The list continues infinitely, people. It just goes to show that you can’t trust anyone. Who will lie to you next?

  8. Hold on a second….that story about wendy’s was FAKE?!

    but in all seriousness,

    Bill Murray isn’t a liar for not being a Ghostbuster, he’s a liar for not being an overweight orange cat (which i suppose is debatable).

  9. Hey, Bob Loblaw!

    Don’t you try to Swift Boat Captain Kangaroo! He was a legitimate hero.

    http://www.snopes.com/military/marvin.asp

    i hope that puts an doubt to rest, assholes!

    It’s not right for you to sully a man’s reputation just for the sake of “humor”. That’s one of the worst things anyone could ever do. If I ever see you face to face I’ll gut your girlfriend and beat your mother to death with your aborted fetus while I make you watch. Then I’ll strap an explosive vest on you and drop you out of a helicopter into the middle of a gun show. That’ll teach you (and all of those violent gun mongers) to be insensitive .

    Fuck you!.

  10. Hi, Scott.

    I think if Jan Brady were here, she would correct Justin’s punctuation, spelling, and capitalization and tell him that he meant to say “I want in you, Prick. You here, me in there”. I’m sorry, Jan wasn’t here to handle it herself, but I was, as always, glad, to help?

    And let me tell you something right now, EleFan. First of all, you can’t even spell president correctly on an internet blog. That makes you very much a lot stupider than me. Secondly, don’t you dare come on somene else’s blog and issue threats. We take things like that very seriously. Especially here on the hollywood’s phonys. When you’re dealing with hard news, it is important that people know that thay can count on what they read here to be true. That is why we know that you mean what you say and are very, very terrified right now. Really.

    I think you owe Scott Baio, and for that matter, the entire casts of both “Happy Days” and “Charles in Charge” and the entire interblog community an apology. Except Wilie Aames. He is a douchebag, and I will kill him on sight.

  11. Yes. Of course you are right I apologize to you and all the good people on behalf of myself and all the bad people. We were wrong all along.

    I think it is time that we all move on and try to heal from the hurting. I believe that’s all that needs to be said, and now we all need to just shut the fuck up and go back to our miserable jobs at McDonald’s.

    At least there we have Extra Thick Milk shakes to toss off in. oh, and i wiped my ass with your McRib.

    Za-Zing!

  12. Dear overly sensitive person with the unnecessarily long name that I don’t feel like typing out right now because I am a busy guy and have other things to do with my time,

    Nowhere in my post did I say that Captain Kangaroo was not in the military. I said I had doubts about his military record. Was he, in fact, a captain in the military? I think not. Therefore, my argument stands, and you just look like an internet psycho who failed reading comprehension in the third grade.

    I liked the part where you cursed, though. That was funny!

  13. I read your story, realizing it was fiction, and I was rather interested until about 2/3 of the way in. What were you looking for from digg? Everyone to say, “Great story!”? Constructive criticism? If it’s the latter, here’s mine.

    The story flowed well. It had some funny points, but overall, I found it lacking. the characters don’t grow at all, and there isn’t a satisfying resolution. “Dad” is established early as a bully, one who thinks he his smarter than everyone else, and more importantly, smarter than he actually is. These types of characters are fun to watch and root against. He belittles those he considers beneath him, using obviously flawed logic. Again, this is fun, and left me wanting to see this guy get his comeuppance. You really had me.

    But sadly, the comeuppance never came. When the lowly hero finally stands up to “Dad”, obviously besting the bully with superior wit, “Dad” just bullies more and our hero, rather unbelievably, backs down and starts crying. He is then further humiliated by the bully.

    Where is the resolution? Dad abuses the little guy. The little guy stands up to the him. Dan becomes even more of a bully. The little guy backs down. You had an interesting start, and a decent build up to a confrontation, but then the confrontation itself fizzled rather than climaxing.

    Overall, I’d give it a C.

  14. Donkey Kong is a monkey, but not a donkey. So it’s still a lie. But…Wait.

    Anyways, this is why I don’t use Digg. It’s full of stupids who don’t understand a logical argument. Have you ever tried making an intelligent comment on Digg? Of course you haven’t. There are no intelligent articles on Digg.

  15. Jack,
    As far as story structure goes, you’re right. There’s little to no character development and not much in the way of a resolution of the conflict in a logical manner. But it’s not really that kind of story. I am a big fan of South Park and more often than not, Eric Cartman doesn’t get his comeuppance, and I think that’s funny. Apparently, some people on Digg don’t agree with me. No biggie.
    Here’s the deal. I write stories in this blog. I have a pretty loyal readership, but I could always use more. I wrote a story that people seemed to like and thought, “hey, maybe more people would be interested in reading this”. I also thought that maybe if they liked that story, they might click around and read some others, maybe come back on a semi-regular basis. Maybe tell a few things.
    This was my whole sinister plan.
    I’ll risk repeating myself and point out there are no ads on this site. At least none that I put up. I heard a rumor that WordPress might put some up that you can only see if you’re not logged in and I’ve never checked. They don’t benefit me, either way.
    I’m not trying to get rich 3/10 of a penny at a time. I don’t need or want that kind of money, I do OK on my own. I just thought people might want to read my story.
    Apparently, this makes me a blog spammer.
    I would say I’ve misjudged the audience on Digg, if not for the fact that I got about 400 diggs on this story in one hour. 400 people who liked it enough to digg it. And now it seems like most of the people who buried it were either incredibly stupid (to the point of thinking my obviously fictional story was trying to be passed off as real), or part of a “bury brigade” who have taken it upon themselves to police the site and rid it of anyone like me who dares to try and share something they think might be of interest to the readers.
    Either way, I won’t be making that mistake again. Hint taken.
    You had some problems with my story and that’s fine. It’s not your cup of tea and you were honest about that. I appreciate the input. We just have different senses of humor. I think at this point, I think we should all just move on.

  16. Jack’s comment reminds me of when I saw the movie No Country for Old Men. I’ve read most of Cormac McCarthy’s novels, read every hard to find interview with him that I could, and am pretty much a fanboy. So much so that I kind of cringed when Oprah made The Road part of her book club. I thought, “Jesus, are you fuckin’ kidding me? How many stay at home moms are going to appreciate the graphic descriptions in the novel of babies being roasted on a spit in a post-apocalyptic hell?”

    Anyway, I saw NCfOM in the theatre, and when the movie ended and the house lights came up, a large portion of the audience groaned and said, “What? That’s it? That was the worst ending ever!”

    Afterwards, the three people I saw it with said that they enjoyed about 80% of the movie, but they hated that it had “no ending.” Well, actually, it did have an ending, and an ending , a very negative and bleak one that very well suited the major themes of the book as well as the physical structure of a novel as translated onto film (all books end with the same thing: a blank page).

    Obviously, not everyone is prepared to see a movie that doesn’t give them a “satisying” happy ending, or at least one that wraps up all of the loose ends for you and ties everything up with a pretty little bow so you can know exactly what you’re supposed to think when it’s over. It wasn’t that kind of movie. This movie, like the novel before it, was a somewhat subtle commentary on the proliferation of evil in the world and the futility of those who try to stop it, not your average action flick. Maybe you should go see I Am Legend next time instead. I’m sure that type of movie has the subtlety of a freight train.

    Which brings me to Jack’s comment. Fine, Jack, you didn’t like the story, it wasn’t your thing, no problem. But saying that the story was “lacking” because it didn’t end the way you wanted or expected it to just shows that you didn’t get it. The reason that this story is funny is because the dad doesn’t get his comeuppance. The dad is the hero of this story. He’s a horrible prick who in real life would probably be locked away somewhere, but this isn’t real life. It’s a comedy blog.

    A large subset of comedy is often about exploring and exploiting social taboos in order to craft improbable and often uncomfortable situations. Would we cheer and laugh if we saw a guy treating a fast food worker like this in real life? Of course not, even if it was the 80’s (which has been scientifically proven to be the decade in which 95% of the American population were total assholes). But here on the written page, we can appreciate the irony of the situation in which a young boy and the public at large praise a man for acting like an irredeemable prick and how it may or may not have made said fast food worker into a transvestite. That’s the resolution that you say the story is lacking, that’s the climax, that’s the punchline. That may not be funny to you at all, which is completely okay, but that doesn’t mean other people won’t appreciate it or that it’s “lacking” in any way. It just means that it wasn’t what you expected it to be. Luckily, you and everyone else have the freedom and ability to click on the back button or simply close your browser window if you never want to see this site again, which most normal people would do if they stumbled upon something that didn’t suit their tastes.

    What Eric obviously was not expecting from Digg was a bunch of people too stupid to identify this story as fiction to flip out on him and bury his story so that even those few of us who would appreciate the story would not be able to find it on Digg anymore. It’s not at the top of the page, but if they were to read his “About” section, they would find that the first sentence says “This is the site where Eric Filipkowski publishes his fictional short stories.” But instead they decided to get angry and stupid and kick his story off the whole site so no one could find it. And that’s ridiculous almost on the level of people banning Huckleberry Finn from schools because it contains the dreaded N-word. Twain didn’t put that word in there to be racist or inflammatory, and Jim’s character was actually a very sympathetic protrayal of a black man for the time. The N-word was an accepted term in his time, but some people just don’t get that, so they try to keep people away from the naughty word and end up depriving them of an enjoyable read. It’s censorship, and it’s wrong, and Eric has a right to be pissed about it.

    But whatever. It’s over. Lesson learned. Life goes on.

    Sorry for almost saying the N-word.

  17. Wow, even with me editing down the name of No Country for Old Men to NCfOM the second time, that post still turned out really long. I even didn’t say the whole N-word, just the N! What gives, internets?

  18. Jeez, Scott, didn’t I kind of cover all that shit in my last couple of posts, albeit in a mealyfingered sort of way? It’s like I’m talking to myself in here.

  19. Scott,

    I guess my problem is not the ending, but rather that nothing interesting happens during the face off. I would have been perfectly happy with the dad winning in the end, had the employee presented more of a challenge. As I read it, dad was established as the stronger character in the conflict. The weaker employee stands up to him, but immediately is reduced to tears. The challenge to the dad never felt real to me. I was wrong in saying that the resolution was the problem, but it was actually the conflict itself. There obvious tension between the characters, and that drew me in. When they finally got together, the challenger was shown to be not much of a challenge at all.

  20. Sorry, Pit-Pat. I never read your comments, so I guess that’s why I missed that one. I only read that last one by mistake because I thought it might be Ginger Ale coming on to me again. To my extreme disappointment, it was only you. I still managed to rub one out, though.

    Jack, fair enough. You didn’t dig (not Digg) the main premise of the story, and that’s your God-given, Constitution-protected, George W. Bush-defended, space alien-infested right as an American. Let’s agree to agree to disagree.

  21. Pit-Pat: Delighted to have you punctuate in my place. What’s a girl to do but consider you next in line for the position of the decider. Good luck.

    Greetings, fellow Americans. I fear I’ve nothing further to add to the discussion, as my exact feelings on the subject have hereinbefore been detailed from each possible light. Wherefore, I’ll not take up anyone’s time in reittering the same. I point out further that, therefore, additional discourse on the subject regarding my feelings would be quite gratuitious; former descriptions of them having been, mind you, wondrously adequate. Yes, quite adequate I am certain. Let it not be said that I would elaborate laboriously in frivolous pursuit of a truth which has previously been twice uttered. This said, it would be an horrendous waste of everyone’s precious time were I to take the matter up in such a manner as to divulge ideas, the expression of which have been heretofore laid out carefully in the comments section above. Finally, to that end, in the spirit of avoiding redundance, I shall assert only that a lie is a lie, is a lie. I repeat: details contained in a “story” on a “blog” should necessarily check out to be true. One hundred and ten percent of the time, I applaude lightly with both hands my fellow readers who would wish to not be foiled, spoiled or unnecessarily toiled during a light reading upon the so-called “internet”. The word “story” is not a subjective term. During the course of a story, certain things should happen in certain ways, lest it be impossible to enjoy it. Do not attempt to be clever with the reader, I am quite capable of knowing when a story falls short of its mark ~ a great bell goes off in my head ~ again, I am an American, on a world wide web pursuit of truth, not tomfoolery nor the renegade imaginations of a swashbuckling swindlerator. I am for all intents and purposes a lie detector who can spot a phony from a mile away, and do not in any way, wish to be spammed, spoilt, sporked, or spoofed in my combing of the internet for truth. I believe the aptly named Scott Baio says it quite best when acknowledging the fact that: a guy calls himself Captain Kangaroo, he better darn well be a uniformed, heterosexual, marsupial, long-earred, maternally pouched, officially medallioned mammalian beast from New Guinea in a red overcoat. I am preparing as we speak to pore through the remaining “stories” on this so-called “blog” in an ongoing effort to scan for accuracy. I shall then fold up twelve pieces of paper in half, seven marked “false”, five marked “true,” gather them together, stuff them into the hopper, shut the cage tightly, close my eyes, reach back into the hopper and pick out the answer. I shall report back with my findings.

  22. my problem was not with the beginning, ending, or body of the tory, nor in the conyent. I just kept wondering if this whole Wendy’s thing meant I was finally going to get my motherfucking sandwich.

    Oh, and I never read your posts, either, Scott. I never read your posts either.

    Hi, Ginger!

  23. I can’t decide what I enjoyed more, the actual story you submitted to digg or your follow up. I loved ‘um both & the fucking tickled me willy… :||

    p.s MORE FUCKING COOKIE MONSTER!

  24. There have been a few requests for a new Cookie Monster video. I’m just trying to think up a good one, so it doesn’t look like I’m just looking for excuses to do it. Which I guess is the truth.

  25. I think there is something wrong with this blog which causes otherwise fairly intelligent people to misspell words like morons. I swear my spelling isn’t as bad as it seems. I used to win those spelling bees all the time. I’m not trying to brag, that would be hompo, but I’m pretty sure my shit is all spelled, captilaized, and, yes, Jan, punctuated correctly when I type it, at least in my mind.

    I think WordPress has installed some type of reverse spelling and grammar checker that filters out people who intimidate it and tries to discredit them. That’s what I sold them, anyway. I just assume they have started using it.

  26. I don’t know about the rest of you but I counted one too many commas in that last comment. Someone’s going comma-crazy!

  27. I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I stepped on not only one, but two toes with my last critique. I duly apologize.

    As for Digg-WTF?

  28. Oh, well everyone’s a critic! *Ginger*. *Pit-Pat”. ! Wow, I like that new software, wish I could get a copy of it! You won a spelling bee with words like hompo? Hmm.

  29. ¿Muy bien, y usted? ¿Entonces trata usted de decirme que su pollo parece más grande en la oscuridad? ¿Y el oscuro lo haría parecer más grande? ¿Ha grabado alguna vez usted atenérselo brillo para ver si usted puede hacer buscadores de personas? Sería la diversión. Toneladas de diversión. Pienso que estoy enamorado de usted. O al menos enamorado de idea de mirarle para hacer buscadores de personas en la oscuridad.

  30. Sé que usted me ama. Es bastante obvio.

    Mi pollo es del mismo tamaño en la obscuridad y en la luz. El pollo también tiene plumas hermosas. ¿Usted tiene gusto de verlo?

  31. Por supuesto me gustaría verlo. Conseguiré mi cámara, telones de fondo y equipo que se enciende y veremos como mira en muchas luces diferentes. ¿Significa este que sólo puedo mirar a su pollo o también me lo permitirían al animal doméstico? Tengo a un gato que le gustaría ver. Usted debería enviarme su número de teléfono y dirección. Le enviaré cuadros – o le acecharé. Entonces nosotros podemos estar finalmente casados y tener a muchos pollos juntos.

  32. ¡Usted está moviendo demasiado rápido, muchacha! Acabo de desear demostrarle mi pollo que bailaba, yo no deseé casarle. Soy un soltero crónico, y necesito el sitio de respirar.

    También, estoy asustado que su gato pudo rasguñar mi pollo. Eso sería muy doloroso para mi pollo. ¿Puede usted garantizar que su gato no tiene garras?

  33. ¡Cómo atrevimiento usted! ¿Estoy ofreciendo abrir mi flor en usted, Jefe, y usted se preocupa de algunos stratches del measley? ¡Pfft! Tengo un agolpamiento en usted. ¿Por qué desearía lastimar le o su pollo?

  34. Oh, hey, sorry about that, everyone! My gardener broke into my house and started typing weird messages about his chicken danicing in the moonlight or something like that. I don’t speak Spanish, so I can’t really be sure. Anyway, I had him deported, so that won’t happen again. It’s so hard to find good illegal help these days!

    Hi, Ginger!

  35. Ginger: Those weren’t stars hon. Those are what we call asterisks (pronounced “ASS-streaks”.

    PIt-Pat: You’re my favorite mistake.

  36. Don’t blame her hon, life turned her that way. And if I might quote the lyrics to a country song appropriate for the moment, which I have no idea why I happen to be able to recite clearly off the top of my head by heart:

    If she seems cold and bitter, then I beg of you
    Just stop and consider all she’s gone through
    Don’t be quick to condemn her for things she might say
    Just remember life turned her that way

    She’s been walked on and stepped on so many times
    And I hate to admit it but the last footprint’s mine
    She was crying when I met her, she cries harder today
    So don’t blame her, life turned her that way

    She’s been walked on and stepped on so many times
    And I hate to admit it but the last footprint’s mine
    She was crying when I met her, she cries harder today
    So don’t blame her, life turned her that way
    So don’t blame her, life turned her that way

  37. I gave up reading after this sentence:

    “Now, this was news to my brother and I. ”

    It was news to my brother, and it news to I. It was news to my brother and I.

    I gave up reading because you can’t write.

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