Well, first of all, I want to apologize.
I haven’t posted in a while.
First, I got sick with some sort of stupid cold, but my real sickness is my addiction.
I am addicted to Snowball.
What is that, you ask? Some sort of new drug craze sweeping our nation’s suburban youth?
If only it were that easy to cure!
No, friends, “Snowball” is an animated computer game you play in your web browser. Brought to you by “The Plain Dealer”, which I guess is some sort of newspaper for hicks or something?
Anyway, if this all sounds like sorcery to you, maybe they can explain it better:
Welcome to Snowball!, The Plain Dealer’s online game where you’re the grounds crew and snow threatens the Cleveland Indians’ home opener. Use the arrow keys on your keyboard or the buttons on the game to move the tarp out as low clouds bring snow, and back in again as the snow goes away.
Don’t let the field get too wet or the ump will call the game. But don’t leave the tarp out too long or there won’t be enough time to finish!
Sounds like a blast, doesn’t it? Can you imagine a more exciting premise for a game that you play on the internet?
That’s what I thought! Seventeen hours later, I’m not really sure what I think anymore. And why is my fucking sweater so goddam itchy?
I’m rolling the tarp in, I’m rolling it out! Here come the snowflakes! Someone yells, “Kill the ump!” Where the fuck am I??
I’ll tell you where I am. Cleveland. Home of the Indians. And sweaters that are super-irritating to your skin.
If you get hooked too, you’ll notice the snow comes and goes almost at random. Just like in real life! What the hell is this thing made out of? Pine cones?? Oh sure, they tell you that “low clouds bring snow”, but then again, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes high clouds bring in snow. Or no clouds at all. Sometimes low clouds makes the invisible baseball team score a run or two. Who keeps banging on my door?
Sometimes I think I’ve mastered the whole thing and then I’ll lose before the third goddam inning. Plus, I took my fucking sweater off like 20 minutes ago. How the hell could it still be itching me???
Fuck THANK you, John Kroll! And fuck THANK your Satanic Shockwave game from hell for jerks. And fuck THANK you to the Devil Worshippers at Old Navy for making the itchiest goddam sweaters on the fucking earth and Cleveland.
Holy shit, I’m going back on disability. St[tp knowcking otn my dooro i hear you alrdeaydy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!