Dear Freeloaders

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You guys come here and read my blogs and I don’t ask for nothin’ in return.

Til now.

Look, my video is on funnyordie.com. I know I already posted it here, but screw you.

Go and vote for it (funny, not die). I’m serious. Do it. My dad can beat your dad up and he will, if I tell him to. He’s crazy.

So unless you hate your dad, please go and watch this video and then vote for it.

Again, vote funny, not die.

In fact, if you wanna be a jerk, you don’t even have to watch it. Just vote.

Or else you hate freedom and America and the terrorists have won.

Thank you very much,

Eric Filipkowski, Awesome Guy With Lots of Friends (some famous)

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9 comments

  1. Eric, I DO hate my Dad and I still voted “funny” on your video. Actually, I should say that I DID hate my Dad, being that he is dead and all. I’ll just say that I WILL ALWAYS hate my Dad, then there is no confusion for anyone. He was such a bummer, man. Like, a good example of what a douche he was is one time when we were visiting New York City, I wanted to eat at Sbarro’s and then go get a hooker, but he made us eat at some gay Forrest Gump shrimp shithole place and then visit some museum. He was doing shit like that the whole trip. Well, he was up until he pushed me out of the way of that subway train. And thanks to that fucking cock-smootch going and dying on us, we had to leave NYC a day and a half early! Thanks a lot, fucker!

    Well, my Moms crying again, so I better go check on her. It’s always “BWAH BWAH BWAH, my life is over!” with her now. Fuck, I think I hate her too.

  2. Wow, Eric. It would have been nice to have a reply from you, or anyone else for that matter, in the last month or two(sniffle, cry), because in 2 days I am moving to New Zealand for a year or so(or until they decide to kick me out). With the exception of my Ipod Nano, I am abandoning all things technological during my stay there. No TV or Internet. It will be scary and strange to no longer see a grown man dressed up as the Cookie Monster rant about current pop culture events that I couldn’t care less about, but I will try to make it. And tell Clint Howard that Adam says hello.

    Oh, and there’s no need for you to bother sending me your soon-to-be-released CD of you reading your stories(seriously). I have enough coasters as it is, and if I ever change my mind, I’m sure in a couple of years I can find it in a bargain bin somewhere.

    I bid you all farewell.

  3. Don’t worry, Mimi. I was in China for two weeks at the end of January (for real), and I had very limited internet access, but I was able to survive without my Hollywood Phony fix. Luckily Eric is lazy and only posted once during my whole trip (some crap about Heath Ledger), so I didn’t miss much! Thanks, Eric!

    Good luck in Kiwi-land, Mimi. Watch out for Gollums and fat hobbitses!

  4. Once again the audio has fallen on deaf ears. It doesn’t matter anyway, I’m 77.2 percent sure Cookie Monster is a liar. Cookie Monster is also getting a lazy eye : / Eerie.

  5. Also goodbye Mimi Bubbles, although you say you shall ‘still try to make it here.’ So maybe goodbye, maybe not goodbye. Confusing but a little bit fishy. Okay well hmm…I’m trying to think of just what I can say about that place. I know that they have exotic animals there. And not just ordinary exotic animals! Hey, see if you can get Pit-Pat to hop on over to ‘tutorial’ for you and check out what they’ve got to offer as far as weird or strange animals do go. I would venture a guess myself but I daren’t, I’m really trying to suck Pit-Pat’s dick and I don’t want to mess up that chance by venturing shanty guesses about things I have business on so I’m going to lay low for a spell until it’s cool again on the homefront, you know girl, who of us hasn’t been there right? yes. It’s a human thing, very universal. Anyway, dear god, I didn’t really even get to know you that much and now you’ve sprung this on me out of the clear blue sky. Haven’t even had a chance to im you or email you or any of that stuff, no snail mail, no nothing. I feel like I hardly know you and now you’re going and sort of, kind of dying on me really for all intents and purposes? I mean, that’s just how it feels right now, I’m sure after a while we’ll all be okay here but feel me for a minute: this life is so unfair is it not, and I feel cheated out of a super special relationship with a really killer person, one of the only other girls. Do me this favor: don’t change. I want to be able to tell any future kids I may have about you and I want to be able to remember you the way you were, like you are right now, at this very moment, although we all are changing and growing almost constantly aren’t we? most of us. I want to tell you mimi the truth about something, I’ve never been able to say this, but you were always my favorite on hollywoodphony. Can you believe that! And it’s all the more so now that your being whisked away from us by the superpowers that be and are forever the bosses of us even at times when we’d really rather they not be. Oh man, the more I think about it, the more sadder it is getting so I better stop soon or I may do something I’m really not wanting to do! Listen, I will take the coaster Eric was to send to you, I will give it a good home, I promise you that and I never, ever, ever, ever lie about a serious matter like that. Now what will become of your technologies? I am in need of a computer right now. I have to use library computers. But don’t you worry about me. This is about you, not dumb old me. Or any old dumb anyone else for that matter! But back to the subject at hand, I shudder to think of you cold, disconnected, used up, almost falling apart at the seams. *shudder, shudder* And for the record, I’m kind of worried about you hon. Are you sure you’re alright? Because you know you can tell me anything, anything. I know there was some crazy business with your father who was and is a meanie. Don’t you worry about that, that boorish hog was just trying to kill your spirit. But you be strong mimi. You be strong for me, you be strong *for us*. For Eric! yes. for Eric. Do it for him instead. Do it for him now, you’ve got to, he’s going to need you once you’re not here anymore. And darlin’ if you can’t think of any other reason, none at all, do it for Scott Baio. Show him the love that you always wanted to. Oh for Pit-Pat! Yes, DEFINITELY for Pit-Pat. Pit-Pat for sure, he is the most worthy after you. But lookie here, I’m going to go lie down now. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was in a fight with somebody and you know how that goes it hon, it just makes you want to sleep all day and all night. But you can’t can you? Nope. You can’t and you shan’t. Do try though. You are going to need your sleep in order to keep your strength up. Listen sis, you take care now. Oh, and hey…*hugs and kisses*. You need me, you call. Anytime day or night, never after 9 p.m. P.S. Call your mother once in a while! P.P.S. Don’t you die on me.

  6. I want more Cookie Monster! We should get a Sesame Street network of user’s recording videos, but Cookie Monster rocks… :||

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