Confessions of a Digg Front Page One-Hit-Wonder

digg-effect.jpg

OK, as humiliating as this is, it was just too funny not to share.

What you see above is my little blog, churning along with a few hundred hits a day (what looks like zero on the graph) and then all of a sudden my stupid little post gets on to the front page of Digg and goes crazy.

200,000-hits-in-one-day crazy.

Even now, I still get a couple thousand of hits. Though it doesn’t seem like anybody’s clicking on any other posts, really.

I kinda feel like Color Me Badd or Gary Coleman, complaining about how I’m a much more diverse talent with a lot more to offer than just that stupid fluke picture I took.

The moral of the story is you should be careful what you wish for.

Now that I’ve touched the sky and tasted the golden sky fruit that floats around up there, waiting to be gobbled up like Pac Man Power Pellets, coming back down to earth to shovel gruel and malted oats into my mouth makes everything taste that much worse.

You people don’t get it!

You sheep are happy down here, but I’ve seen all that life has to offer and I want it back! You literally don’t know what you’re missing. To have it snatched out of my hands this way is too much.

My advice is to never try. That way, you can never succeed. If you never succeed, you’ll never be let down when that success has to go away.

Because it always will. Everything good does. John Lennon? Dead. Ringo Starr? Alive.

Arrested Development? Cancelled. According to Jim? On the air til 2017.

So, to sum up: the world sucks, you guys are all assholes, I’m way better than everyone and you can suck it.

I’m going to Disneyland.

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8 comments

  1. I don’t hold it against you, Eric. I know how it can be. It will just take a little time for you to come back down to Earth, and when you do, we will be here waiting for you. I know how it can be because I was once there myself.

    I was in the fifth grade, and I had laid all the other children to waste with my stunning ingenuity. Yes, I was Pinewood Derby Champion! I tell you, I knew I had more than gravity on my side that night, but even so, I felt lighter than air. I just knew things would never be the same for me again. Unfortunately, I was right.

    The next day, I went back to school, expecting the accollades I so richly deserved. Instead, I was forced to eat lunch in the cafetorium with the lowlies. I had been promised a new skybox would be built, but it was never to be. It was just the first of many disappointments I encountered until I finally came to the conclusion that I, too, am a lowly slug not even worthy of my own contempt.

    So, indeed, Eric, I WILL suck it, and I will enjoy it, here in my gutter along with filth and turd pillows. And I will sleep well and sound, secure in the knowledge that the world is once again in its proper order, and I along with it.

    We shall await you.

  2. Dude, you won the Pinewood Derby and expected for that to make you cool? Sure, buddy, here’s your trophy. I call it the atomic wedgie! We all know your dad made that car for you anyway. Good luck finding your underwear where the sun don’t shine, dorkus!

    And for you, Eric, dear angel, I have only these words, quoted from Freddie Mercury in some song I found on the internet with the help of Google:

    A hand above the water
    An angel reaching for the sky
    Is it raining in heaven –
    Do you want us to cry?

    And everywhere the broken-hearted
    On every lonely avenue
    No-one could reach them
    No-one but you

    One by one
    Only the Good die young
    They’re only flying too close to the sun
    And life goes on –
    Without you…

    Both poignant and relevant. Or is it?

  3. My site about chickens gets about 200 hits per day! Is that what I want to be known for? No! But I’ll take it. Someday I’ll be a staff writer on a comedy show. I already am in my imagination.

  4. Never try, so you won’t succeed, so you won’t be disappointed later…..I like that. If only that’s what they taught us in kindergarden instead of getting our hopes up and letting us try only to fail……Kind of odd, don’t you think? Okay, I think so anyway.

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