OK, I know you’ve probably heard a million awful stand up comics complain about the traffic, so get ready for that to be 1,000,001.
If you don’t live in LA, you probably have no idea what the hell a “sig alert” is.
And if you live in LA, you probably have no idea what the hell a “sigalert” is.
Ostensibly, a sigalert is some sort of ‘alert’ notifying you that there is an accident on one of the freeways causing a delay in traffic.
There are so many things wrong with this, I’m not really sure where to start.
I’ve probably driven through 100 sigalerts in my short 8 or 9 years out here (I know!). If you’re thinking this was marked by a period of heavier than usual traffic congestion, you must be a naive hayseed from the sticks who thinks Universal Studios is actually in Hollywood. LOL!
The traffic here sucks. All the time. Seriously.
Sigalert. No sigalert. It’s all the same shit.
From 6 am to 8 pm, it sucks. It’s awful. There are hour-long pockets in there where it’s “not terrible” but these are mostly random occurrences.
You might be driving along and suddenly traffic will come to a standstill and you’ll think, “oh shit, there must be an accident!” Nope.
Sometimes it’s a cop on the side of the road. Sometimes it’s nothing more than one of those traffic signs from L.A. Story actually doing nothing more than being on and saying, “Drive Safely.” Sometimes it’s nothing! Seriously!
Yes, traffic may suck where you are, but trust me, here it is worse. Why? Because there’s no alternatives. You can’t take the bus anywhere. Riding a bike is suicide. Walking? Good luck in a city spread out like this.
“Don’t forget Metrolink!”
Not to mention the cottage industry of “traffic watch” and “traffic cam” and “traffic doppler 5000” all these assholes on the news are always hawking.
Yeah, cuz tons of people are watching the news while they’re at work.
And hey, thanks for letting me know it’s gonna take me an extra hour to get home, because really, I’m sure there’s a way around that where I can take an alternative route to save time! What? No? Oh, OK… cool.
So, in summation, this place sucks and the sigalert and whoever invented it or coined the phrase or whatever can go to hell.
And what’s the deal with airline food?