Meet The Boner (I’ve got for this movie)

aspartans.jpg

15 days. 21 hours. 7 minutes. 34 seconds.

That’s my countdown to the release of what looks to be the greatest movie ever in the history of movies.

Meet the Spartans!

Check it out, this flick has everything.

If you’re like me, you’ve been hoping that there would be a movie that comes out and spoofs “300”, “Stomp the Yard” and Britney Spears shaving her head.

Well guess what, dicks? It’s all in this movie!

I know, you think I’m lying, but I’m not. Go watch the trailer! While you’re at it, sign up for email updates!

If you’re interested, I’ll be at the Hollywood Galaxy 6, midnight on Thursday, the 24th. We’re meeting up with a big group. Drop me a line and let me know if you want in, we’re gonna try and get a whole row somewhere in the middle of the theater.

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12 comments

  1. You know, this is an excellent time for us to sit back and reflect on just how good we have it in this country. There is so much turmoil going on right now that we often forget how great our nation is. The two sides are constantly bickering back and forth with seemingly no end in sight, and the future looks dark and bleak. To the average American citizen, it looks like nothing is getting done at all. All of this chaos stretches back to that one dark day in our recent history that has been etched into the consciousness of the American populace. I am referring, of course to 11/5, the beginning of the current strike of the Writer’s Guild of America. While the strike certainly affects all of us, we must remember that there are still an abundance of scripts out there that were purchased before the strike began. Hollywood will still continue to churn out the classics that we are so used to, at least for the time being. So fear not, America! Your dreams of seeing Britney Spears (and her baby apparently) kicked down a well by a Spartan soldier will soon be realized. And try not to think about what will happen when they actually start scraping the bottom of the barrel!

  2. I got my Boner Donor card last October at Hooters(r). It’s a gas when I whip it out at parties. My boner, I mean.

    I think I heard somewhere that this movie is an adaptation of the Stephen King novella “Toe Zit”, about a family of antonyms who are haunted by the spirit of an ancient belgian waffle. I hope it stays fairly faithful to the original, but I’m bringing my syrup, just in case.

    Live to love,
    Creflo

  3. Speaking of Boner, one of his most recent performances was portraying the role of the Joker in the 2003 fan film Batman: Batman vs. Joker vs. Alien vs. Predator(s) vs. Good Taste. I wish I made that up, but no. What’s worse, there are actually intarweb nerds claiming that Boner is the “best Joker ever” (I believe he even won a best actor “Downie” for his performance, the annual awards given out by the International Association of Film Critics with Down Syndrome). Everyone knows that the Joker character was born and died with the late Cesar Romero. If the Joker does not have white face paint covering his pencil-thin mustache, then you, as a faithful audience member with discerning tastes, are being robbed! Period. I mean, exclamation point! I mean, exclamation point!

    Incidentally, the fan film mentioned above caused me to scrap plans for my very own Batman fan film tentatively titled Batman: Perfect Strangers, starring Bronson Pinchot as Batman Bartokomous and Mark Linn-Baker as Cousin Larry, with a special guest appearance by another “Growing Pains” alum, Tracey Gold as the Penguin (selected for the role because she’s kinda chubby).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hjp0I_okX0w

  4. I would spartanize myself just to see the sex goddess of teen flicks Carmen Electra. But I’ve a suspicion it would maybe take a while to despartanize myself afterward.

  5. I saw this girl get Spartinized once in this movie starring a guy named Johnny Ampleseed. Something about going around the country planting a tree.

    I also hear that the White House dry cleaners offered One Hour Spartinizing(tm) during the Clinton Presidency(pm*)

    *pecker mark

  6. I don’t know, Jan Brady. Carmen Electra is looking a little rough these days. She looks like she’s been spartanized six ways from Sunday.

  7. Hey, hold the phone there, Jan. It’s OK if Eric(sic) says it, because he is black. You have to say “Marfrican Americanized”.

    Just don’t want to see any bigotry around here, you white she-devil.

  8. I shoulda known you’d play Erik’s race card, pit pat. Fine, I’ll grant you his special privileges! I’ll revise my comments to say that I meant nothing about the texture of Carmen Electra’s skinitalial organs. Besides, I have lots of Marfrickin friends…and most (most!!) of them are ‘okay.’

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