1. I can think of nothing manlier than donning a sky blue tracksuit!

    I will now excuse myself because that video started my heart on fire, and I’ve got a strong desire to listen to my copy of the ‘Rocky 4’ soundtrack.

  2. Well, what I told that random stranger in the video is, if you are straining yourself on the downswing, you’re working too hard. You keep the axe close to your body as you lift it over your head and then you let gravity do its thing. I only took two swings, though. The last thing I need is more surgery. Unless it’s that breast-enhancement surgery I’ve been begging you cheap assholes to buy me.

  3. I must bow and pay homage to Ginger Ale’s grand zinger. It was much more witty than the mysterious disappearing spam posts. Although the rest of you are missing out now, because a nice young Nigerian professional is going to deposit the funds from the sale of some recovered Spanish treasure into my checking account, and all I had to do was send him my bank information and some nude pictures for some reason. Oh well, more treasure for me, suckers!

  4. Well Megadik* sent me a note telling me that all my dreams are going to come true and women won’t be able to resist me. Choppin’ wood won’t get you anywhere. Ha-ha chauvinists!

    P.S. Scott–I like you–a lot.

  5. Please don’t remove the spam. I am still enjoying my garage full of Wholesale Plastic Bottles.

    If you must make improvements, please install a spellchecker. My fingers are an asshole!

  6. Can I advertise my stuff on here Eric? I’ll leave a phone number instead of a web address. That way, you won’t inadvertently send me business. I have lots of nude Scott Baio pics–I think they would sell like hotcakes here.

  7. Wait a minute… Ginger, you’re not, perchance, Nigerian, are you? Give me my Spanish dubloons already, ya fuckin’ welcher!

  8. Well I never! I would never welch. I actually used your money to purchase 51% of a wholesale plastic bottle company in your name. You’ll be a squillionaire in no time! And look here–you can advertise right here at home!

  9. Hey Scott and Ginger, can I get in on your plastic bottle venture? I REALLY need some return on an investment. Thanks to my idiot Brother-in-law, I just lost thousands of dollars because he made me believe that Camel MilkĀ® was going to be the next big thing. Boy, sometimes I can be a real dunderhead!

    But don’t let my low self admission sway your decision of welcoming me to the plastic bottle family. I can be super intelllligant and driven if it’s something I truly believe in!

    Whaddya say?

  10. Sorry, bubba. According to Ginger, I’ve got just 51% of the company in my name, and to give any of that up would leave me potentially vulnerable to future hostile takeovers by Fred Gwynne, aka Herman Munster.

    Granted, all of my business knowledge comes from the 1987 blockbuster “The Secret of my Succe$s,” starring Michael J. Fox, but I think I’m on the right track here…

  11. Scott, you just keep doing what you’re doing. By the way, we’ll be needing just a few hundred thousand more dubloons to get your first check to you.

    Mimi, since Scott is not willing to give up any of his shares in his new venture, I’ve got another deal working right now. Trees! The future is in trees. Logging that is. Good for the environment, great for the pocketbook. For only $9K you can get in on the ground-level of the largest logging company in Arizona. Not only is it the largest, it’s the most progressive. All women. That’s right! Only women loggers. (The $9K is needed to provide nail repair kits and feminine products but the turn-around will be HUGE!). Why, you’ll be on a tropical beach with a Mai Tai in one hand Angelina’s left breast in the other in no time!! Would you like my mailing address?

  12. Does this mean the Wholesale Plastic Bottle bubble is bursting? I need to know because I only have the room until noon, and I need to know whether to check out or hurl myself off the balcony.

  13. Pit-Pat awaited an answer

    An answer that never came

    The world just lost a hero

    Let us never forget his name



    Pit-Pat went splat and now he is flat

    R.I.P. Pit-Pat, wherever you are!

  14. Wow, those hacks over at Wired sure are dumb! I guess they don’t realize that, while the pictures of you that appear on their monitors are only a few inches high, you actually appear to be quite tall in person, what with the Marfan’s and all.

    You should have your legal name changed to Macrocelebrity Eric Filipkowski. With little stars to dot the i’s, even. Damn, that just pops!

  15. Ginger, you are funny & great,

    and I want you to know,

    if I was a pimp,

    you would be my #1 hoe.

    Evertime a wealthy client would come into town,

    I’d grab yo’ ass from the stable, and send you on down.

    We could make lots of money, and my love for you would be true,

    but just don’t skim any money from me like that lying bitch Tracy*,

    or I will be forced to slap you!

    *I can’t remember if you are male or female, so I used a name that could be either one! Aren’t I smart AND great?

  16. Mimi,

    The males tend to have more colorful plumage, and have rounder faces, while the females generally have more jagged facial features and bleed like a stuck pig every 28 days.

  17. Wow. Who would have thought it? I asked for a poem and instead I got a lyrical masterpiece. Thanks Mimi. I’ll be your ho any day. And I won’t lie to you like Tracy either. I am one honest tamale. My hair’s a little nappy, but at least I’m honest.

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