To my perplexing fan base:

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OK, I get it when people come here from bobanddavid.com or a friend of mine’s blog, but sometimes the path is a little more confusing.

I’ve written about “christie alley” and how my obscure spelling joke has brought in upwards of 50 hits a day for months, but it should be noted that I used one picture of Howard Hughes (not actually mentioning his name) a while back and now I get probably another 50 from that.

Which leads me to wonder if anybody’s actually reading this stuff or just clicking on it and going, “What the hell is this shit?” and never coming back.

Now, to my loyal comment buddies, don’t get up in a huff. Let’s be honest: it’s really just the six of us, so maybe I should take this site down and we could do this on email?

And then there’s the anomalies like this:

This forum from harmony-central.com, which lists itself as “The #1 Online Community For Musicians,” had a link to my site which bumped me over the 300 hits/day mark for the first time in a while.
Who knew?

And just in case you’re thinking, “hey, that’s weird, they have a comedy forum on an internet musicians site?” the actual topic of it is “Effects: Stomp boxes, multi-effects, and towering racks.”

Which makes sense.

Not that I am complaining. In fact, quite the opposite. I will take what I can get. Forget what I said about packing it in, it’s hits that matter!

I want to thank you, Dr. Picklebottom, wherever you are!

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22 comments

  1. i’m confused. i hit the button to order my copy of “Big Mike’s Bareback Bonanza”, then it brought me to this site. can anyone help?

  2. I dunno. Hardly anyone ever comes to my site, despite its obvious brilliance. The sound of chirping crickets is deafening. But one time when i tagged something “Karl Rove Nude!” I got a lot of hits (and then–quite unexpectedly–Karl Rove actually showed up at my house and flashed his boner, which was large but conservative), which lasted for all of two days (the hits, not Karl Roves boner).

    Anyway Eric, I don’t know what you’re complaining about. At least you have six loyal readers. I only have five, including you (and I count you as two).

    0y hilarious/thought-provoking/stupid site is http:www.primitivenerd.typepad.com by the way, for you folks who don’t like crowds but love Jesus Christ.

    Okay then.

  3. I think if everyone who read your blog told 5 people about it, like I have, then you’d have a more consistent visitor base.

    Unfortunately, I have been bifurcated across Earth’s timestream, and the other 5 people I told were my selves, most of which who lived before or after the internet existed.

    That’s right kids. The internet will die one day. Don’t worry, it’s replaced by Twinkies that have sex with your mouth.

  4. I was into you before you went all pop and sang that “Try to make me go to rehab” song.

    Now, I’m back to Fred Durst’s blog. It’s so not hip that it’s hip again.

  5. I was actually assigned this blog as part of my community service for a triple homicide beef from 2005. Only six months left! Praise Allah!

  6. Bob Odenkirk told me to read your blog, so I do. If you take it down, then I can’t read it anymore, and Bob will be angry with me. Please don’t make me disobey Bob! People think he’s a really nice guy, but they haven’t had to deal with him after a full fifth of Wild Turkey and a few nostrils full of crushed crystal meth! He’s a monster! Help me!

  7. Hey! Since there are only six REAL posty-guys, I guess that means Scott Baio is the pivot man in this little e-circle jerk! I was surprised to see that MB and EZ hadn’t replied yet, too, but I know they love you. I see them”Bob”bing on your “Odenkirk” all the time! maybe they can be alternates? I’m only saying this because I am not worried about Bob, as he has been very busy of late instructing young people on the finer points of clutching fuzzy balls.

  8. excuse me, guys, but i’m STILL WAITING for my copy of “Big Mike’s Bareback Bonanza.”
    let’s get my problem fixed, then you all can feel free to “gay it up” with your fuzzy balls and your Lil’ Bobby Odenkirk’s and whatnot.

  9. It’s all about the hit count! Who cares if Google Analytics shows 1000 unique visitors and 1001 hits with 00:00:17 spent on the site, you still have 1001 hits! For me this damn site comes up every time I’m googling for Bob and Dave.

  10. Even though my dad hits me when I use this word, I do “love” you Eric. Not a brother or friend kind of love, but the kind of love one would show his pet parrot or hamster(Richard Gere’s hamster).

    Some might not appreciate me or my opinions, simply because I am mentally unstable. But I know you care Eric, and you will keep hollywoodphony.com up and running for a long time!

    Remember, you owe all 6 of us.

  11. I’d like to take this opportunity to say that Eric Filipkowski is the Polish bomb and I proudly support him. But the next time my name leaves your lips you better have the money to cash the check that your ass wrote, son.

    What?

  12. The Polish Bomb is actually the nickname we gave to my Uncle, Aleksander Borkowski. Now there’s a guy who really likes his kielbasa and boiled cabbage.

  13. It’s always about race with you guys. It’s all about the pronunciation. Eric is the POLISH bomb. Have you seen his furniture? Shiny!

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