Accidental Penis Weekend 2007

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I am delighted to report that many, many people have written me about Accidental Penis Weekend 2007. It’s been really overwhelming, the level of support I’ve gotten.

First of all, let me apologize for not being able to answer all of your questions. I’m really tickled pink by your interest in this great event.

For the uninitiated, Accidental Penis Weekend 2007 is a celebration of “accidentally” showing your penis to your girlfriend’s friend, Karen, when she comes to visit for the weekend.

The purpose of Accidental Penis Weekend 2007 is two-fold: mostly it is just a chance to annoy my girlfriend by sexually harassing one of her close friends, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t an ulterior motive of hopefully setting the stage for a sexy menage a trois encounter, later on.

The trick is to continually expose yourself, time and time again, throughout the weekend, while still making it look like an accident each time you do so.

Beyond the tried-and-true “woops, I didn’t know anyone was here when I walked out of the shower to get my pants” and the always classic, “does this look like testicular cancer to you?” only those with a really active imagination will survive.

I am planning to debut a few new ones, which will be highlighted by my construction of a coffee table with a hole in the middle, which I will lie under while inserting my penis and testicles through the hole, into a specially-rigged bowl of cocktail peanuts.

Of course, owing to the success of the Saturday Night Live sketch with a similar name, I will be discontinuing my effective, but now cliched “what’s in the mystery box?” routine.

So, all in all, I think Accidental Penis Weekend 2007 will be a smashing success and remember, if your name isn’t Karen, please don’t go fishing around in my closet for “those keys I left in my jacket pocket”, because I don’t want any of you assholes grabbing my nutsack.

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9 comments

  1. you should whittle out your doorbell, then stick the head of your trouser pickle through the hole. karen shows up…. goes to ring the “doorbell”… hmm.. hmm…
    you’ll be swimming in poontang in no time.

  2. I have a weird uncle that was always pulling shit like this. One time during Thanksgiving dinner I went to get a drink of water and his penis was in my water glass.

    Instead of being embarassed, he told me and my cousins that the reason that his penis appeared to be “broken” or non-linear is because of refraction. He went on to explain that refraction is the change of a wave due to a change in speed.

    I thought it (refraction) would have been easier to demonstrate using a drinking straw, but as fate would have it he is now one of Wikipedia’s top publishers.

  3. Doyle,
    This is my blog, not “the Doyle brags about how awesome his life is” forum. Stop rubbing it in my face that your family liked you more than mine. Those s.o.b.’s wouldn’t even touch me. 😦

  4. I was a bit confused as to the exact dates of APW07, as I did not read the post until earlier this week. I still don’t know the official dates, but I am happy to report that I (and my girlfriend, and HER friend Karen) will be celebrating this weekend! Hope it’s better than last year’s. Well, actually, it wasn’t so much the entire Accidental Penis Weekend that was so bad, just Emergency Penis Reattachment Surgery Sunday. Some traditions are better left behind (no affiliation whatsoever with Left Behind Cheek Sneak a Peek Week).

  5. Again, I need to actually take time to read what you write instead of skimming because I thought this was entitled “Accidental Paris Weekend 2007.” And I was all, “what’s so accidental about Paris? What have you got against culture, Filipkowski? What, does the Louvre scare you? All those paintings that have more talent in one cubic centimeter than in your entire manchild body?!” But then, I saw that the word was PENIS and not PARIS. My bad. But I still think you’re a hack.

  6. My friend Greg has an Accidental Penis Weekend on a monthly basis. This is in stark contract to his regularly scheduled Daily Penis Mailbox Bugaloo and the ever-popular Scrotum Showcase Pantsdown on CBS this fall.

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