I am delighted to report that many, many people have written me about Accidental Penis Weekend 2007. It’s been really overwhelming, the level of support I’ve gotten.
First of all, let me apologize for not being able to answer all of your questions. I’m really tickled pink by your interest in this great event.
For the uninitiated, Accidental Penis Weekend 2007 is a celebration of “accidentally” showing your penis to your girlfriend’s friend, Karen, when she comes to visit for the weekend.
The purpose of Accidental Penis Weekend 2007 is two-fold: mostly it is just a chance to annoy my girlfriend by sexually harassing one of her close friends, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t an ulterior motive of hopefully setting the stage for a sexy menage a trois encounter, later on.
The trick is to continually expose yourself, time and time again, throughout the weekend, while still making it look like an accident each time you do so.
Beyond the tried-and-true “woops, I didn’t know anyone was here when I walked out of the shower to get my pants” and the always classic, “does this look like testicular cancer to you?” only those with a really active imagination will survive.
I am planning to debut a few new ones, which will be highlighted by my construction of a coffee table with a hole in the middle, which I will lie under while inserting my penis and testicles through the hole, into a specially-rigged bowl of cocktail peanuts.
Of course, owing to the success of the Saturday Night Live sketch with a similar name, I will be discontinuing my effective, but now cliched “what’s in the mystery box?” routine.
So, all in all, I think Accidental Penis Weekend 2007 will be a smashing success and remember, if your name isn’t Karen, please don’t go fishing around in my closet for “those keys I left in my jacket pocket”, because I don’t want any of you assholes grabbing my nutsack.