There are those events in your life that, in hindsight, seem perfect.
Maybe it’s the day your grandfather first took you fishing or you got up the courage to grab Sally Johnson’s boobs.
For me, it was October 7th, 2002.
I was having breakfast with my cousin at a Denny’s on Sunset Boulevard. I looked over her shoulder and almost choked on my liver and eggs.
Christopher MacDonald, TV and film star was dining just three tables away, with his young son.
Dining on breakfast.
If the reference is going over your head, you need to see a little movie called Happy Gilmore right now.
One of Mr. MacDonald’s most memorable scenes in that particular motion picture occurs when his character, Shooter McGavin, tells Happy Gilmore, played by the versatile Adam Sandler, a frustrated hockey player-turned-golfer, that he eats “pieces of shit like you for breakfast!”
Mr. Sandler replies with line, “You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?”
So here I am, a huge Happy Gilmore fan and there he was, eating breakfast! It was perfect.
Unfortunately, I made the fatal error of informing my cousin of what I had planned while I mustered up the juevos to go live my dreams. Apparently, she felt that it would be rude to swear in front of Mr. MacDonald and his son, while they were just trying to eat a nice breakfast. Whatever.
We argued about it for a few minutes, before she threatened to tell my mother about my heroin addiction. I was so angry, I had to go in the bathroom and do some heroin just to calm down.
When I got out, he was gone. My chance had passed. I sat down and finished my breakfast, but all the eggs, hash browns and heroin in heaven and earth couldn’t cheer me up.
Dear Reader, I hope you take in what I have said here and realize that these perfect little moments don’t come by every day; sometimes it’s just once in a lifetime. So you need to seize the day and stop worrying about the feelings of some whiny celebrity. If they really want to have a peaceful breakfast, then they shouldn’t have become a movie star, because once they do, we own them.