Why I can’t be president


(or “Reasons to be wary of Googling your own name at 4 am“)


  • It’s not really hard to imagine me saying that.
  • I have no idea in what context it was said.
  • I’m not really sure who that person is or how they would have come by that quote.

All in all, I have to say, that’s a pretty good quote to have come back to haunt you. I am pleased.

And this is supposed to help me get back to sleep?



  1. I dunno, you are showing some of the right attitude towards the electorate, though you need to drop the offer of payment and be a bit more anally rapey. Become a multi-millionaire and we are talking candidacy.

  2. It is now clear to me that you are a clearly deranged individual whose depravity knows no bounds. Your sick, nonsensical ramblings drive your readers to the edge of a deep moral crevasse which you seem to be determined to fill with the innocent souls of your “victims”. There are not enough words in the English language to describe the depth of your disgusting emotional chasm. It is you and your ilk who have driven this great nation to its current pathetic state of moral bankruptcy. You should have jumper cables attached to your scrotum and be dredged through a lake of flaming acid filled with razor wire, and your eyes removed and pureed into a liquidy paste, then fed to a rabid swine.

    That said, can I borrow 20 bucks?

  3. I got to thinking about it last night, and I may have assessed you unfairly. I decided to delay the judgement, and instead to consider things from your point of view. Well, you know what? I am now seeing things in an entirely new light. Bold new insights have streamed into my conscious being. Not to mention I earned a BF or two (that’s Benjamin Franklin, in case you don’t speak “street”). I have been promised by some very nice young men that I will receive these BFs very soon. I am soooo excited!
    So as far as I’m concerned, you should already BE president. Hooray!
    Maybe Chad could run. How about Robuckle/Sanchez? Form what I understand, this Sanchez character is quite popular amongst my new friends (although I really don’t understand why they call him “filthy”). Now THAT’s a ticket you could punch!
    Anyway, do you have any Carmex?

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