I’m ok!


Well, I have 3rd degree burns on 97.8% of my body, but the doctors think I’m gonna pull through.

Apparently though, I will be “that guy who always looks like he’s got a tan”.

Thank you so much to everyone who visited me in the hospital. Your thoughts and prayers really helped me pull through this difficult period of my life.

I am currently shopping around for lawyers to represent me in my lawsuit against the City of Los Angeles Fire Department for hurting my feelings. Their insensitivity to my hotdog-like appearance has caused irreparable damage to my well-being. If you have a good lawyer (a real slimy shark), let me know.


Steve Bennett


  1. actually, i know an personal injury lawyer who lives in l.a.! he specializes in mesothelioma, but i’m sure he’d be willing to take the case if there’s enough money involved. unfortunately, he’s vegetarian and probably won’t find your hotdog-like appearance very appealing…or appetizing.

  2. You know, your insistence on mocking my hotdog-like appearance really steams my buns. That is to say, I don’t believe your offer to be genuine. One day, the Weiner People of the world will rise up and fight this oppression. And no, we won’t use mustard gas.

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