Well, I have 3rd degree burns on 97.8% of my body, but the doctors think I’m gonna pull through.
Apparently though, I will be “that guy who always looks like he’s got a tan”.
Thank you so much to everyone who visited me in the hospital. Your thoughts and prayers really helped me pull through this difficult period of my life.
I am currently shopping around for lawyers to represent me in my lawsuit against the City of Los Angeles Fire Department for hurting my feelings. Their insensitivity to my hotdog-like appearance has caused irreparable damage to my well-being. If you have a good lawyer (a real slimy shark), let me know.