It burns! It burns!

Alot of people have been calling me out of concern over this fire up here in the Hollywood Hills.

Let me state, for the record, that I am fine.

I can see it out my window, but I have been assured that it is of no threat to the Hollywood Phony Offices, located in the “H” portion of the Hollywood Sign.

Here are some pictures I took on my way to work.


This is outside my home, you can’t really see how brown that cloud actually looked. My camera sucks.


This is a shot from the bridge over the Los Angeles River on Vineland Ave.


Here is a zoom of the mountain. You can see the brown smoke which basically blanketed the whole sky for a while.


This was taken a little later, on the opposite side of the street.


When I shot the first two pictures, there was about 20-25 people taking pictures with all sorts of crazy cameras. Like an idiot, I didn’t get a shot of that.


Here is a zoom of the same scene. The smoke is much whiter, as I guess they are pouring a lot of water on it.

So that’s it. Crisis averted. I’m actually kinda sick of the media making a big deal about this sort of thing. They portray anything of this sort as if the whole city is gonna burn down, which it clearly isn’t. I mean, the truth is–

OK, just got an update. The wind has changed direction and now the fire is just approaching the letter “Y” and they want us to evacuate. I’m signing off, I gotta run.

OK, I’m back. We can’t leave because the flames are outside the front door. It’s getting really hot in here. I’m gonna douse my clothes in water.

I’m really getting nervous here. It’s very hot inside. I just want all my relatives to know that if I don’t get out of here, I am sorry for all the awful things I’ve said, all the lies I’ve spread about them and most of all, I am sorry to my father for accusing him of child molestation. I made that whole story up to get attention and while it definitely worked, I now regret it.

Papa, I am sorry.

It’s so hot in here. I am sweating my ass off. My clothes, which were soaked through, are now bone dry, save for the beads of sweat dripping from my new mohawk haircut.

Shit, I didn’t even get a chance to take a picture of my new ‘do! And now my camera is melting. I just burned my fucking hand on it! OK NOW THE SCREEN IS MELTED AND I CAN’T SEE WHAT I’M TYPING SO MAYBE THIS WILL LOOK SLIKE SHIT BUT I CAN’T HELP IT. OK, I AM GONNA MAKE A RUN FOR IT. WISH MY E LUCK, I LOVE YOU ALL.



  1. I am on the east coast and can barely see the smoke from here so I pushed my car to a hill and got on the roof for a better look. It appears the situation has gotten worse over the past few hours so I’m beginning to worry a little. How does the time zone difference affect things? It’s almost 11am here, how much time do I have to evacuate? I was never good at math or geography, and home economics for that matter, and need to know how much time I have to push my car to the gas station to get some smokes.

  2. Keep the marshmallows away from me – I’m hypo-glycemic!

    I never listen to my mother. I’m deaf. Thanks for bringing that up.

    I think the east coast is overdue for some good fires.

    I *did* have a job but now I’m filing for disability due to the stress I was put through.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s