I go "highbrow"

Here is a submission I made to the web humour magazine, McSweeney’s. Yes, the ‘u’ is correct, it’s that kind of humor.

Consider this more of a “fuck you” to the idea that “intelligent” comedy is better than “funny” comedy, rather than a legitimate attempt at getting published.

Things to do to save time while taking a dump:

  • Chat with Grammy
  • Brush your teeth
  • Arrange flowers
  • Urinate
  • Eat an ice cream cone
  • Play with Legos
  • Mix-up meat for tacos


  1. It’s even more fun when you mix and match!

    Try brushing your teeth with an ice cream cone, arranging flowers by urinating upon them, mixing up meat with legos..

    You could even urinate on Grammy’s teeth and play with flower meat..

    All whilst taking a dump.


  2. These are some really good ideas. If I wasn’t ready to kill myself after attempting to “categorize” (see the box to the right) all 350 blogs I’ve ever written, I would give these a try.

  3. i’ve totally played with legos while pooping. here’s a couple more they’d never print:

    watch breakdancing videos
    polish the silver
    draw your poop a map to the river

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