Everything must go!

I’m selling some of my roommate’s stuff. Don’t worry; he’s rich and doesn’t need it. Trust me.

He’s got a TV or something. It’s pretty good. You should buy it. How about like 20 bucks?

He’s got a bed, you can have that. It’s sitting on some kind of a frame or whatnot. You can buy that too, if you want. I’d say it’s like 8 bucks for the set.

He has a dog. The dog has only 3 legs, but that’s good cuz it means he can’t run real fast. If you are lazy, this is the dog for you. I will take any reasonable offer.

He also has a toilet that seems to work pretty good. I’m not sure how to remove it though, so you should be pretty good at plumbing and stuff or bring someone who is. $300 firm.

He has 3 garbage cans that are pretty big. You could fit a whole person in them. One is black. One is green. One is blue. They vary slightly in size. They also have wheels which I will include. Six dollars seems fair. Less if you don’t take all three but I’d really like to keep the set together.

I was going to count them up and then lost interest when I hit 15, but there’s like 50 lightbulbs in this place, probably. If you want them, they are yours. The catch is, you have to unscrew them yourself and I would like a few candles in trade. Also a box of Cheerios.

Alot of people have asked about the couch, but unfortunately my roommate is going to need that when I sell his bed. So I will only sell it for ten dollars. No less.

Well, that’s about it. If you come over and want anything else you see, we can negotiate for it. Also, if you need a bunch of dirt for your garden, you can dig up the backyard and take as much as you want.

I am on drugs and need some money real bad so hurry up.

(P.S. don’t tell my roommate)


  1. Fuck you.

    If anyone is interested, I can get you a somewhat used but in pretty good condition monkey heart. I’ll need about a 6 hour heads up and a cooler and a ziploc bag.

    Let me know!

  2. While I cannot condone what you are doing ethically, in a purely business context you would get far better return selling your room-mate to a satanic sex shamen cult. Just check the classifieds in the back of the Wall Street Journal.

  3. sorry, eric, but i don’t have any money to spend on such frivolous items. i spent my allowance buying your Wii from your roommate. it came with a really sweet Ron Jeremy skin.

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