Friday Mailbag: A letter from this guy!

Dear Hollywoodphony,

Thank you for your interest in my video. Yes, I used to engage in the homosexual lifestyle, how did you ever know? That’s so weird. Anyways, the good news is, I can assure you that I am 100% cured!

For years, there was nothing I craved more than a sweet, delicious weiner in my mouth. Or three! LOL! I would cruise the streets all day, looking for other dudes to mess around with. Sometimes I would have sex with six or seven guys a day. Sexy, sexy guys. Occasionally, even black guys! Often, they would stick their weiners in my butt, but sometimes I would stick my weiner in their butts. I wasn’t one of those uppity gays who only likes it one way.

Luckily for me, that is all over now and I don’t miss it one bit. I understand that people can be skeptical, but I have never been so happy in my whole life! Now that I have the Lord, all I do is smile all day long! Watch my video! Look at how happy I am! Happy, happy, happy!

The best part is, I don’t crave delicious weiners in my mouth and butt anymore! Not one bit! Not while I’m at the gym, watching some sexy dudes in the shower, not even when I accidentally type in the wrong thing and mistakenly end up on a gay porn website for six or seven hours.

Believe me, back when I was a sinner, I thought I was happy, but I wasn’t! I would go around smiling all day, sucking on weiners, buying pink shirts, trimming my moustache (well I still do those last three! I mean two! Two!), but really I was living a lie. A big, fat, super fun lie!

When my parents kidnapped me, right in the middle of my ultimate frisbee game, I was so steamed! I thought, “who are they to come here, grab me and throw me in the back of a van, tearing my new bike shorts?”

But sixteen weeks of intensive psychological “therapy” later, I was cured and now I thank my parents for what they did! Because I’m happy, happy, happy!

I see now that being gay is a choice. A choice to not fight who you are and instead be fine with ticking off Jesus! I used to think Jesus was all about love and forgiveness, but now I see he is actually a pretty angry guy who shoots lasers out of his eyes and kills US soldiers in Iraq to punish people like me for being born a certain way.

In summation, I want to thank you again for your letter and request that you send me a full-body naked picture of yourself (erect, please) so that I know you are not gay. Trust me, this is standard practice for people who send emails to each other.

May the Lord be with you,

That guy from the video



  1. I was poking around on digg, trying to get more people to read my blog because the world is against me and I saw he’s posted his own blog about this song, expressing his dismay that people think it’s a goof and not him being serious. Which he is.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s