How do you like me now, fatass?

Yeah, I’m talking to you, Tubbs.

Look at me, all cute and adorable. Pinch my cheeks and tell me how precious I am.

But I know the truth.

I know you were here a few months ago. You could have adopted me then, but you thought, “Oh no, let’s get one from China.”

And then you got the news. “No deal.” You’re too fucking fat, bitch. Hey, here’s an idea: you can exercise and lose some weight.

Yeah right.

So you come crawling back to adopt me. Here I am. Your scraps. Your silver medal.

Well fuck you. I don’t want to live in your shitty house, anyway.

What did you think? You were gonna get one of those Chinese whiz kids from those spelling bee movies? I’ve got news for you: he’s still gonna be an idiot because you’re gonna be his parents.

Kids aren’t born smart just because they’re Asian, dipshit. By the way, that’s called eugenics, Hitler. That’s right, I know big words too!

And on that, what was the deal with passing me up? Why? Cuz I’m black? Did you think I was gonna rob you, you racist piece of shit? Look at me, I’m 3 years old!

Well now I am gonna rob you, cuz I’m gonna grow up in a fucking orphanage with the rest of these poor, unloved urchins.

I was all set to lower my standards and let you love me as your own. I was ready to give you a shot, but you blew it. Now, I wouldn’t go home with you if you got down on your blubbery knees and begged me.

Why don’t you go and make your own? Oh that’s right, your limp dick husband can’t figure out which roll to jam his 2 inch weiner into.

Not that I even know what that means, I’m only 3!

So, in summation, you and all your single, gay or deformed friends who decided to ignore me and the thousands of other kids just like me here in America who need a home in favor of some stinkin’ commie from China can suck it.

That’s right, you heard me. Beat it. You’re doing me a favor. I didn’t want to stare at your camel toe in those stretch pants after you get back from your step class you didn’t really go to and devour a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

Say hi to your cats for me, whore.

Advertisements

12 comments

  1. I’m fillin’ up here man, you’re like Oprah and Dr. Phil in one. Sing it with me-

    ‘I believe that children are our future
    Teach them well and let them lead the way
    Show them all the beauty they possess inside
    Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
    Let the children’s laughter remind us of how we used to be’

  2. That kid does look a lot like that Little Rascals kid, but I assure you, he is not. If he was, then this whole story would be a lie and I promise it’s all true. Perhaps you are just a racist who thinks all black people look the same? I could have put a picture of Colin Powell up there and you would have asked the same thing. Shame on you!

  3. Tiny pee-pee? Would you like to add length and girth to your willie in just six weeks?

    Try Embiggenol- the worlds first non-prescription unit enhancer made from DNA samples gleaned from the late, great Milton Berle’s chest hair.

    Imagine being able to touch bottom AND reap havoc on the sides. And for only pennies a pop!

    Doesn’t your girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, or footstool deserve the most man-horn you can give them?

    Give them the REAL moxie- give them EMBIGGENOL!

  4. A letter from an actual, real, not imaginary Embiggenol customer:

    “When I first heard about Embiggenol Male Enhancement For Men, I was skeptical. I’d been burned by these types of products in the past, I mean I was LITERALLY burned. Don’t use any of the China imported Reary Big! products, they don’t work and will scar your penis. But when I heard that Embiggenol was made from Milton Berle’s DNA, I just had to give it a try. According to my whore grandmother, that guy had a HUGE member(or shlong, as she put it) that had all the ladies and gays talking!”

    “Well let me tell you, this stuff really works! Before Embiggenol, I was a mere 9 inches long and 5 inches wide. Since I’ve used Embiggenol Male Enhancement For Men, I’ve grown 2 inches in girth and 3 inches in length, and my girlfriend can’t even have me do her anymore! We tried having sex after the six weeks, and she couldn’t even get the head in. I mean, she even said she was afraid of it, AFRAID of it bro! How cool is that?! I’ve never felt more confident. Now all I need to do is get a personality and I’ve got it made in the shade. Thanks Embiggenol!”
    -Mimi Bubbles

  5. Made in the shade, indeed..OF YOUR ENOURMOUS SCHVANTZ!!!

    Another satisfied customer (reary satisfied!) enjoying the Guy-pipe of a lifetime-

    With EMBIGGENOL!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s