Yeah, I’m talking to you, Tubbs.
Look at me, all cute and adorable. Pinch my cheeks and tell me how precious I am.
But I know the truth.
I know you were here a few months ago. You could have adopted me then, but you thought, “Oh no, let’s get one from China.”
And then you got the news. “No deal.” You’re too fucking fat, bitch. Hey, here’s an idea: you can exercise and lose some weight.
So you come crawling back to adopt me. Here I am. Your scraps. Your silver medal.
Well fuck you. I don’t want to live in your shitty house, anyway.
What did you think? You were gonna get one of those Chinese whiz kids from those spelling bee movies? I’ve got news for you: he’s still gonna be an idiot because you’re gonna be his parents.
Kids aren’t born smart just because they’re Asian, dipshit. By the way, that’s called eugenics, Hitler. That’s right, I know big words too!
And on that, what was the deal with passing me up? Why? Cuz I’m black? Did you think I was gonna rob you, you racist piece of shit? Look at me, I’m 3 years old!
Well now I am gonna rob you, cuz I’m gonna grow up in a fucking orphanage with the rest of these poor, unloved urchins.
I was all set to lower my standards and let you love me as your own. I was ready to give you a shot, but you blew it. Now, I wouldn’t go home with you if you got down on your blubbery knees and begged me.
Why don’t you go and make your own? Oh that’s right, your limp dick husband can’t figure out which roll to jam his 2 inch weiner into.
Not that I even know what that means, I’m only 3!
So, in summation, you and all your single, gay or deformed friends who decided to ignore me and the thousands of other kids just like me here in America who need a home in favor of some stinkin’ commie from China can suck it.
That’s right, you heard me. Beat it. You’re doing me a favor. I didn’t want to stare at your camel toe in those stretch pants after you get back from your step class you didn’t really go to and devour a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
Say hi to your cats for me, whore.