Stop taking down my videos, YouTube!


Let me start out by saying that I love YouTube.

If you’ve never been to youtube.com, you are missing out. They have taken video web hosting to a whole new level.

In the old days, getting video online was a laborious and expensive process and they have made it easy and free.

Now, kids across the country are posting their homemade videos and expressing themselves creatively. Instead of joining gangs, they are posting videos of themselves beating up people who aren’t in the gangs they’ve joined. Instead of getting pregnant, they are posting videos of themselves getting pregnant. It is literally changing the way the world watches video entertainment.

And this isn’t just bored kids. Bands have gotten signed by making videos and posting them on YouTube and just getting millions of people to watch. I’m sure someone’s gonna get a film deal the same way (hopefully me).

But along with this wave of innovation, there are always the bottom-feeding degenerates who have to ruin the good time for everyone.

Copyright infringement, inappropriate content, racism and episodes of “Joey” are causing the watchdogs to take notice and try and pass legislation to put an end to all the fun.

We in the internet movie-making community need to police ourselves so someone else doesn’t come along and do it for us.

I understand this. But who sets the standards of “good taste”?

Whoever he/she is, he’s a fucking moron, because that’s the only thing that could explain my videos getting taken down.

Imagine if you had a kid and you made a video of that kid taking his first steps and you put it up on YouTube cuz now your kid is older and it’s just a really cute video.

Now imagine if YouTube took this video down and deleted your account because “somebody” had flagged it as inappropriate.

It would make you sick, right?

Your precious memories have been labeled as sick or disgusting by a complete stranger. Someone who doesn’t know you and knows absolutely nothing about your life.

Now, if you will, imagine that instead of your child’s first steps, it’s actually your child’s first time having sexual intercourse. You were lucky enough to be there to capture the magic as your 12-year old boy became a man with your 37 year old best friend and tennis partner.

You put the video up because you want to share it with your friends and family, not to mention anyone else in the world who appreciates beauty, but then one day you go to watch it and its gone. Not only that, you can’t even log into your account because it’s been deleted and you’ve got some investigator from the FBI knocking on your door.

Does that make any sense? Is it illegal to look at “child pornography” if you’re the child in the pornography? Because I am. That’s me in those videos having sex with my mom’s friend while both my parents videotaped it.

Seriously, I think this brings up an interesting legal issue. Where is the “victim” if you’re essentially victimizing yourself?

It was the greatest day of my life. Mrs. Johnston worked me over like no woman has ever done since. She literally ruined me for anyone else, she was that good.

Watching that video brings a tear to my eye. But my tears of happiness turn to tears of rage when I think about someone sitting there and judging me for aspiring to achieve what so many can only dream of.

So, in summation, I am against child pornography in all forms. I also feel global warming is bad too. Let me be clear about that. But I ask you: how can you molest yourself? That’s only illegal in Alabama, I think. But unless someone invents a time machine, it’s not even a possibility. And if someone does invent a time machine, I’ve got bigger plans than molesting my 12 year old former self.

I’m gonna go back and bet on sporting events that were huge upsets. That way, I’ll get great odds on a sure thing and become rich and have my own casino.

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