Enter my contest!

Hey gang, guess what?

I’m having a contest!

Enter my contest and you can win 250 Iraqi Dinars! That’s right! This is genuine Iraqi money with Saddam Hussein right on the bill! Taken from Iraq by our brave fighting troops in the U.S. Army.

Imagine what you could buy with that much money! 250 Dinars! Houses, gold, women! All of this could be yours! Perhaps you’ve had your eye on that brand new luxury car your neighbor just got? That could be you! Stop being a fucking loser! Enter my contest!

OK, now that I’ve got you all hyped up, you’re probably wondering, “What is this contest I keep hearing about via the local news media, podcasts and cereal box prize cartoons?”

The contest is simple: you send me an email at hollywoodphony@yahoo.com and tell me what you think of me. Whoever has the best entry wins and I will send them 250 IRAQI DINARS!!!

What do I mean by “best entry”? I’m not even sure. I have a feeling I will know it when I see it. Maybe it is the most original or creative. Maybe it is the meanest one, the one that really tells me, in plain English, what a bastard I am. More than likely, though, it will be the one written in flowery language that is all about how I’m so great.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Hmm, I barely know this guy, surely I couldn’t win”? But fear not, I’d actually rather hear from someone like you than my real-life jerk friends! If you want, just write something about how you found my blog or who told you to read it or hell, just make some shit up. What the fuck do I care, right?

I will post the top 17 entries on this site and dedicate a whole post to the winner.

That’s it, that’s all you have to do. Chances are, you’ll be the only person who enters and you’ll win by default. Then you can tell your boss to shove it and quit your job and retire to your own little tropical island.

So again, do it. Don’t be a jerk.


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