Buy me this!

Come on, do it!

I’ll be your best friend! I’ll take my top off! You can see my scars!

It’s the special edition Harry Potter iPod that comes loaded with all six audiobooks!

You know how much I love Harry Potter!

It’s only $548.00! You can totally afford that. You’ve got that new job and all.

You did miss my birthday and Christmas. And that’s ok, I didn’t say anything cuz I was out of town and I knew you were busy, but now…

Look, I hate to even bring this up, but you owe me. I kept my mouth shut for a long time and now it’s time for you to return the favor..

What? Whoa! Who said anything about extortion? DON’T TELL ME NOT TO GET LOUD.

Oh, so now I’m embarassing you? You’re embarassed? Well I’d hate to make a scene in front of all your hotshot, phony, Hollywood-player friends. God forbid I upset Bob Seger or Steve Guttenberg!

You know what? Fuck it. I don’t even want it now. No, don’t even bother. Seriously, I’ll throw it out. Fine, I’ll donate it to a needy kid or someone with cancer. I’m serious.

I’m over it. I’m over you.

If you see me walking by and the tears are in my eyes, look away
Baby, look away.

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