So long, jerkass!


In case you’re at work and you’re wondering why I haven’t been constantly harassing you via instant messenger, it’s because I’m not home. I’m at self-actualization camp. You may know it by its alternate name, “Disneyworld“. For the uninitiated, this is the one in Florida.

Finally, after a year of being held down by the world and punched in the nuts, I am grabbing life by the horns and living my dreams. I will be at Disneyworld for a week, staying at the Port Orleans Riverside Resort.

During this time, I will be visited by several of my friends. I’ll be going up to Orlando on Monday with my mom. Then Fresh Pickles will arrive on Thursday morning. That night, we’ll attend Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party. That should be fun, they have free cocoa.

Saturday, Pickles leaves and is replaced by my friends, Bordo, Violet and my Russian Jew Lawyer, Yury.

Tuesday is when I check out of the hotel, but I won’t be going to the parks, I’ll be going somewhere else on Monday. Maybe home. We’ll see.

So all in all, it should be a fun time. My only concern is that it will be crowded. If you’ve ever seen the South Park called “Cartmanland” then you pretty much know my opinion on long lines.

So anyway, I’ll be back online December 20th, at the latest, so chillax. I know you miss me but daddy has to do this. It’s not that he doesn’t love you very much, but mommy is fat and ugly and daddy needs to be with some women who are hot. So shut the hell up.

Why can’t you be happy for me? I’m living my dreams!

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