I’m not here to brag, though I know a lot of you probably would. I’m not proud of what I did. I thought nobody would get hurt. Actually, that’s not true, I didn’t care if anybody got hurt. All I thought about was myself.
Well believe me, I fucked her good. I’m not gonna get into the details but for those three minutes and fifty eight seconds, I was in heaven. But once it was over, I immediately felt like shit.
The guilt had set in. What had I done? I was dirty. I needed a shower. Normally I don’t go around fucking people I’ve never met before. I know everybody says that but it’s true, in this case.
Well that’s my story. I haven’t talked to her about it but if she’s out there, I hope she knows I’m sorry and that I will never fuck her again.
You know, now that I’m reading this over, I’m a little worried that people might get the wrong idea. When I say I “fucked” Kelly Clarkson, I didn’t mean to imply we had relations. I don’t use the f-word to describe that action, I call it “making love”.
No, I meant that I fucked her over by illegaly downloading her hit song “Breakaway” without paying for it. Once I did it, I immediately deleted it and then downloaded it off of iTunes as reparations. This is the one and only time I ever did this so don’t come after me if you’re in the RIAA.
Oh and by the way, I did also made love to Kelly Clarkson on several occasions. But only in the butt.