Professional sports need to think of the future


So I was watching Futurama tonight and they had a joke about how all the Blurnsball players’ numbers had been retired. You know, cuz it takes place in the future.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Say for each various team, on average, maybe 4 or 5 numbers have been retired in the last 50 years. Again, this is just an average of all the teams and different sports, I could be way off. That means in as little as 2000 years, all the numbers could be taken up!

Really, what other options are there? Move to a 3 digit number system? Really? Are you some kind of fucking idiot? I thought we were being serious here for a minute. Go to your room.

Back on earth, where players have 2 digit numbers, the problem seems catastrophic. Even if people get more selective, the point is, eventually we’ll be out of numbers.

And who wants to be number 97 anyway? All the cool numbers will be gone by 2525.

Honestly, I don’t know the answers. Clearly, we’ll be playing the same sports forever. That’s a given. We’re stuck with baseball, football, basketball and to a lesser extent, tennis and golf. The Brits have cricket and everyone else gets soccer. That’s it. What’s the last new sport to be invented? Ultimate frisbee? Fuck that hippie bullshit. No, clearly we live in a golden age of sport from which the rest of time will look back and see as the birth-time period of all great sports. And those sports are gonna need numbers.

Perhaps we need to start finding new 2 digit numbers that don’t exist yet. Can’t the scientists concentrate on that a while? Nobody’s gonna cure cancer, just give up. Focus on something useful. Forget sending rockets to the moon (we all know that’s a big scam anyway) and creating robots to dig for gold under the sea. What we need is some new numbers before it’s too late.

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