I thought since I’m not going out and trick or treating, myself, I would do something fun for the kids who come to the house. I’ve been trick or treating every year up to this one, but I figure now that I’m thirty, it’s time to hang up my sack of eggs, toilet paper and shaving cream. Besides, things got a little crazy last year when I nearly beat that kid to death when he wouldn’t hand over his candy. Who would have thought that a six year old would start bleeding that quickly? Not me.
Anyway, I bought a huge assortment of candy to pass out this year, because I know from experience that what keeps the kids coming back Halloween after Halloween is a great candy selection. Put out raisins, or worse, the plastic bag of pennies and you’ll have nobody come next October 31st.
Another thing kids love is a good scare. Throwing up a jack-o-lantern and a “scary ghost” doesn’t cut it anymore. I went all-out this year. First of all, I took my old trick or treating sack and wrote “POISONED CANDY” on the side in big letters. That’s what I’ll be handing candy out of, so I’m sure that’ll make some of those little brats think twice before scarfing down their mini-Snickers.
But the real “piece de resistance” is outside. I replaced the porch light with a special one that “flickers” just like a real candle! Isn’t that great? I think it’ll give the place some real “haunted house” atmosphere. I bet the kids will be pissing their Superman costume pants when they see that!
Oh, also, I put some empty boxes out that say “AIDS needles” and “rusty razor blades”.
So anyway, this should be interesting, being on the other side of the free candy trade, for a change. But hey, what’s important is that the kids have fun, you know?