Avada Ka-Grab-Ron’s-Ass-a!


OK, that was lame, but this is just too funny.

Apparently some famous author (in England anyway), told a bunch of school kids over there that Harry Potter is “gay”. I guess he got kicked out, halfway through his talk because the kids became “excitable”. Now this all sounds pretty silly, but it does raise an interesting point.

Is Harry Potter gay? He’s English, so it may be hard to tell, but I believe he is and here’s why.

One word: Hermione. She’s fucking hot. If he’s not gay, how come he never banged her? Think about it; he’s the most popular kid in school. He’s stopped Voldemort like 12 times. He’s seeker (and now captain) of the winningest house Quidditch team in Hogwart’s history. Plus, he’s got a cool scar on his forward. And believe me, chicks dig scars. I know. From experience. With chicks.

Now for those who may say “but they’re only sixteen, that’s too young to have sex” I can only say, in a sarcastic voice, “Righttttt.” Keep living in the 50’s grandma.

The other point of contention, in many minds, is Ron Weasley. He’s Harry’s best friend and since the first book he’s been set up as having this “tension” with Hermione that is designed to make the reader say “oh yeah, they’re gonna hit it”. So maybe it’s a dick move for Harry to swoop in and steal her, but so what? Ron has red hair. Let him get a new best friend. That kid’s a douche anyway.

You know why I say Ron’s a douche? Cuz he’s the quintessential “nice guy”. I hate the nice guy. The nice guy sits around crying and giving backrubs and saying he never gets laid because he’s too nice, but that’s bullshit. The truth is, he’s not nice. He’s just using the wrong strategy to get what he wants. He thinks that he’ll be friends first and then try and weasel his way into her panties later. Once she sees what a great guy he is, she’ll have to fall in love with him! What he doesn’t realize is this act is as tired as me walking up the stairs and total pussy kryptonite to boot. He’s as horny and despicable as the rest of us, he’s just not honest about it. So in addition to being horny and despicable, he’s a liar too! And he’s really underestimating women by thinking they’d be stupid enough to fall for this bullshit in the first place. God! Now I’m totally pissed off.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Harry Potter’s gay. You know what, that’s stupid. He’s probably not gay. There’s nothing in the books to suggest he is. This whole post has been just a huge waste of time.

Fuck you, Ron.

“Weasley” is right.

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