Just call me “Party Pooper, M.D.”

My friend Bordo sent me a link to ashtonhacked.com which claims to have hacked into Ashton Kutcher’s private voicemail. I admit I fell for it for a few seconds (probably because I wanted it to be true) but I see that it’s clearly a fake.

Here are my reasons why:

1.) Why isn’t the number up there? They say they took it due down to “assholery” but if you’re the one posting someone’s voicemail messages on a website, what exactly qualifies as “assholery”? The number was never actually up there to “take down”.

2.) This is another glaring ommission: where’s his outgoing voicemail message? Why not record that and put that up? That would provide definitive proof that your prank was legit. Its absence is “suspicious” to say the least. Never explained or even mentioned.

3.) The link to his mom’s voicemail message just happens to be “down”. Why? Because you could probably find some E! True Hollywood Story about him where you hear his mom’s voice and that could be verified. What a coincidence that the one voicemail “here” that could do that isn’t working. That’s weird huh? I’m sure it’ll be back up real soon though.

4.) Where are the voicemails from his celebrity friends? P. Diddy, excuse me, Diddy never called? His girlfriend never called and left a message? You know, his girlfriend? Demi Moore? But then again, why would she call his cell phone, that would never happen. But wait, you say, maybe this is his “secret other cell phone” that he gives out to chicks he cheats on with? Right, because that’s the number you’d definitely give your mother.

5.) “Wrong number – idiot has no idea he’s talking to ASHTON KUTCHER” This is a total red herring. If you call it, the guy is looking for “Chris”, but any teenage girl (and apparently me) who’s watched that MTV bio show or looked it up on imdb knows that Ashton Kutcher’s real first name is “Christopher”. This, again, is just another cheesy ploy to convince people of the authenticity of this prank by feigning ignorance of certain details so that their “accidental” inclusion adds validity to the story. “Who’s the idiot now? This stupid website guy didn’t even realize that the caller doesn’t have the wrong number! Ashton’s real name is Chris! So that proves this is real!!! Yay! Let’s go to the mall!” – Teenage Idiot Who Buys This Shit.

6.) The overall amateur-hour feel of this page. The hacky back story going into length about trying to figure out the right four-digit combination. Total bullshit. These guys must be sitcom writers because this all feels really unnatural.

7.) Finally, the fact that this website is still up. If it was legit, you’d think his lawyers would have it taken down considering it insuates that he does drugs, cheats on his girlfriend and is possibly gay too.

Now, I’ll admit, I had another idea that didn’t really pan out. The number that “Michele” gives out is an area code in South Carolina or something. I didn’t bother to call it. I’m guessing it’s out of service by now or something along those lines. What I was thinking (and what I would have done) would be to give out a number to one of those Carribean countries that charges you like 75 bucks a minute in those phone scams. Because, if you’re gonna be a dick and make it seem (like I said) that someone is rampantly cheating on his single mother girlfriend with both women and men, you might as well go all the way.

Maybe I spent a little too much time on this post, but hey, I’m bored. I don’t have a problem “Punk’ing” celebrities, especially one who does it to others for a living, but just do a good job. This is sloppy. In spite of that, people are going to believe this is real. So hey, I just thought I’d throw this out there.

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2 comments

  1. That’s a lot of post to waste on anything related to Ashton Kutcher.

    It seems so eay to hack, or fake hack in this case, celeb’s voicemails now. After the Paris Hilton inicident stories of celeb hacking are all the rage. Whoever the maker of that site is has way too much time on their hands

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