If you know me in real life, then doubtless, you know about my intense hatred for my boss and arch-nemesis, Chad Robuckle. Chad is a fucking dick in every possible sense of the word. He’s a racist, sexist, homophobic asshole who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and has never worked an honest day in his life. Luckily for him, his dad owns the company I work for, Bordocom Industries. Anyway, I was looking through his desk after work and I came across this gem:
FROM THE DESK OF CHAD ROBUCKLE
I am a huge fan of your show, especially of that red-head chick, what the hell is that bitch’s name? Karen? Carol? Carrie? Whatever, I think she’s a lesbian anyway. So I’ve seen like every single episode of your show but there seems to be some very obvious myths you’ve yet to tackle.
First up, I would like to see you show everyone that this idea that women have some inalienable right to vote and drive is bullshit. Rights should be assigned according to abilities. I don’t claim the ‘right’ to cook dinner, clean the house or be a pain in the ass for four days every month, do I?
Second, the goddam liberal media is a fucking hipocrit (sic). On the one hand, they love to lambaste people like me for being “racist”, yet their own footage backs up my point of view 90% of the time. I am, of course, referring to this idea that some black people aren’t bad. Even the Associated Press pointed out this double standard that when black people steal food it’s “looting” yet when white people do it, they’re “finding food”. I’m not saying “double standard” in the sense that it’s bad, I’m all for it.
Finally, speaking of the liberal media, I’m sure they’d never let you do this last one because of the International Jewish Conspiracy, but I think someone needs to definitavely rebuke “the Holocaust”. I’m not saying there weren’t camps but even the Germans admitted they were just work camps. Why would the Germans lie? If six million people died, how come they still control the banks and the media and all those pro-Baby Killing groups? There wouldn’t be enough of them left. It’s just simple, common sense.
Anyway, I don’t expect you to do all these because nothing ever goes right for me. In fact, fuck you, don’t do any of these. Keep dropping your crash test dummy out of windows and stupid shit like that. And tell that whore with the red hair to go to hell.
What a dick, huh? The weird thing is, he’s also got a fully addressed and stamped envelope ready to go, post-marked from 2 months ago. I don’t know if he’s been debating whether to send this or if he just forgot or what. All I know is, when I show the head of the company this, Chad will get fired for sure. Oh wait, the head of the company is his dad who probably believes all this crap too and will just give him another raise.
Won’t someone out there give me a job?