I love video games!


My favorite game ever was Super Mario World for Super Nintendo. I would play that game for hours on end! I’d sit there in front of the TV every spare minute I had. I remember one time my mom went grocery shopping and was yelling for me to help her cuz it was raining or something. I pretended I didn’t hear her but I guess she knew I could cuz she ran upstairs and that bitch unplugged my SNES in the middle of my fucking game!

So I go down and get the groceries, swearing under my breath all the time and wishing I would over-extend my arm lifting the bags and have to go to the emergency room or something and then my mom would feel bad that she made me help her but no such luck. But as I picked up one of the bags, it had fallen over on its side in the trunk, a frozen chicken rolled out and I got an idea.

I tucked the chicken way in the back of the trunk underneath some old blankets and then took the rest of the groceries up and acted like nothing happened.

“What are you smiling about? What happened to Mr. Sourpuss?”

“I’m just happy that the groceries are done and now I can go play my game. I love you, mom. I’m sorry I complained about having to bring the groceries up.”

Then we hugged.

A little later, my mom again interrupted me to ask me if I knew where the chicken was. I told her that I had already put it away in the downstairs refrigerator for her. This seemed to satisfy her and she went away and it was back to Super Mario World! Seriously, people, this game has all the elements, even if the graphics may seem quaint or outdated today. The gameplay is what matters, the graphics are just window dressing.

So anyway, my mom forgot all about that chicken until a few days later when her car started to smell. At first she thought maybe a skunk or racoon had been sleeping in there and then got caught up in the engine when she started the car in the morning but she checked under the hood and found nothing. When she finally wisened up and looked in the trunk, the chicken had totally decayed and was covered with maggots. I guess it was so gross it made her throw up.

She stormed up to the living room, she made for my SNES again, but this time, I was ready for her.

“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you?”

“What did you say to me, you little brat? You’re paying to get my car detailed, you know that right?”

“No I’m not. And I’m going to keep playing my video game too… Unless you want me to tell Dad about you and Mr. Kilwecki.”

Silence.

“Now go clean it up, we’ve got carpool tomorrow!” I yelled.

So in summation, while many games today might have lots of fancy bells and whistles, for pure enjoyment, you just can’t be the good ol’ fashioned side scrolling adventures of an Italian Plumber in a land of giant mushrooms and vicious turtles.

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5 comments

  1. You’re an asshole.

    Super Mario 3 for the original NES was more cutting-edge for its time.

    Super Mario Brothers 2 for the original Nintendo Gameboy played like a hybrid of Mario 3 and Mario World, but it was much lesser known because most people didn’t play Gameboys before the Gameboy Advance came out. It’s a damn shame.

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