Forget about high and low pressure, jet streams and all that “science” mumbo jumbo. Hurricanes happen because of gay people and abortions. And “Girls Gone Wild”. It’s so simple!
That’s right. A group calling itself “Repent America” has pinpointed the cause of hurricane Katrina and the resulting damage to the city of New Orleans. Apparently there was supposed to be some big gay celebration just a few days after the hurricane but God decided to cancel it.
“Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city,” stated Repent America director Michael Marcavage. “From ‘Girls Gone Wild’ to ‘Southern Decadence,’ New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. From the devastation may a city full of righteousness emerge,” he continued.
I guess all those people outside of New Orleans in Louisiana and Mississippi must have eaten meat on Friday or worn clothes made out of flax or something.
I feel weird parodying this website because it’s so out there, I think it might actually be a goof itself. I mean c’mon, how many times does your dad have to fuck you before you believe something like this? I’m guessing at least three.
“We must help and pray for those ravaged by this disaster, but let us not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long,” Marcavage said. “May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God,” Marcavage concluded.
See, it’s not even saying “God is punishing the gay people” or “God is giving Joe Francis herpes”, it’s saying that if you simply allow these people to exist, you too could be wiped out by the worst national disaster in the history of the United States of America. You have to actively try and be an asshole in order to save yourself. Is it enough to protest or do you actually have to shoot someone to escape punishment? I wish this website would be more clear. And the Bible? That’s no help. Which part are you supposed to believe? Apparently not the part about “love thy neighbor” and all that.
Just to be safe, I’m gonna find a guy in a wheelchair and punch him in the face.