Oh, so this is why hurricanes happen!


Forget about high and low pressure, jet streams and all that “science” mumbo jumbo. Hurricanes happen because of gay people and abortions. And “Girls Gone Wild”. It’s so simple!

That’s right. A group calling itself “Repent America” has pinpointed the cause of hurricane Katrina and the resulting damage to the city of New Orleans. Apparently there was supposed to be some big gay celebration just a few days after the hurricane but God decided to cancel it.

“Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city,” stated Repent America director Michael Marcavage. “From ‘Girls Gone Wild’ to ‘Southern Decadence,’ New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. From the devastation may a city full of righteousness emerge,” he continued.

I guess all those people outside of New Orleans in Louisiana and Mississippi must have eaten meat on Friday or worn clothes made out of flax or something.

I feel weird parodying this website because it’s so out there, I think it might actually be a goof itself. I mean c’mon, how many times does your dad have to fuck you before you believe something like this? I’m guessing at least three.

“We must help and pray for those ravaged by this disaster, but let us not forget that the citizens of New Orleans tolerated and welcomed the wickedness in their city for so long,” Marcavage said. “May this act of God cause us all to think about what we tolerate in our city limits, and bring us trembling before the throne of Almighty God,” Marcavage concluded.

See, it’s not even saying “God is punishing the gay people” or “God is giving Joe Francis herpes”, it’s saying that if you simply allow these people to exist, you too could be wiped out by the worst national disaster in the history of the United States of America. You have to actively try and be an asshole in order to save yourself. Is it enough to protest or do you actually have to shoot someone to escape punishment? I wish this website would be more clear. And the Bible? That’s no help. Which part are you supposed to believe? Apparently not the part about “love thy neighbor” and all that.

Just to be safe, I’m gonna find a guy in a wheelchair and punch him in the face.

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10 comments

  1. apparently repent america is for real (as in it’s not a spoof, read this). some people can have some very different belief systems.
    either way, god doesn’t seem to be up to the challenge, that hurricane swept a wide path. i think he could have been a bit more on target.

  2. wow, they have a letter from an Atheist sent to them directly published on their site… “Think about it. Imagine the horrors Hell must have in store if the Bible is true. You’re just going to allow that to happen and not care about saving anyone but yourself? If you’re right then you’re an uncaring, unemotional and purely selfish (expletive) that has no right to talk about subjects such as love and caring.” Yet they say nothing in response. Thats fucked.

  3. This hurricane is definitely stopping Girls Gone Wild in its tracks. Without the proliferation of sparkly beads and availability of Bourbon Street balconies, girls have ceased to go wild and will now wear burqas.

  4. If you only knew how much this pissed me off! I knew we would hear shit like this, but it’s only been 8 days. There are people still being fucking rescued and assholes like this one are already saying it’s the wrath of God. It makes me want to puke.

  5. I have also heard that God destroys any land or people that treats his “chosen people (aka The Jews)” badly. So, since Clinton had some something or other going on in Israel that God didn’t like, he caused 9/11 and now this in NO. If I had known this theory sooner, I wouldn’t have pushed my orthodox friend down the stairs while yelling “Kikey Kike Kike Kikeroo!” Bummer, guess this is it for me.

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