the time I won a marathon

I know what you’re thinking, “bullshit!”, right? But it’s true. You see, when they wrote the rule books for the Newington Marathon in Newington, CT, they just assumed no one would ever do the marathon on a moped.

But they were wrong!

I broke all existing records and finished in just under 39 minutes. Boy were they pissed when I drove through that finish line, beeping my ass off the whole way! They were even madder when I produced the rule book and dared them to point out how I wasn’t the official winner. Thanks to me, that rule book is a lot thicker. Well, it would be if those sour grape losers hadn’t cancelled the marathon forever. But I’ve still got the trophy.

So that’s the true story of the time I won a marathon.

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