Look, ever since I can remember (last summer), I’ve had a dream. A dream of achieving financial independence. Some might call it a big dream. Some may call it 12,000 little dreams. Whatever. The point is: I need dough.
Why you ask? Because people need to eat and I am people. Sure, I could keep “working” at my stupid “job” until I’ve saved up that much money, but that could take years. And that’s years spent not pursuing my ancillary dreams.
So what we have here is a dream within a dream. Realize my dream of having $12,000 so that I can quit my job and then start pursuing my dream of writing and acting for a living. Got it?
Now, where do you come into this equation? You have several options:
a.) give me the money outright, either in one large, lump sum or in smaller denominations. I’ll take what I can get.
2.) hire me to write or act in something you’re doing or…
“What’s that? A third, less obnoxious option? Tell me more!”
That’s right, more stuff you can do to help me out even though I’ve given you nothing in return! Tell your friends about ericfilipkowski.com and how goddam funny it is. Tell them, seriously, you need to check it every single day and [censored] because if you don’t, you’re really missing out and your genitals will disappear.
Think about it, if I get my $12,000 and become successful, you can then try and contact my publicist in a vain attempt to call in some favors! You can bitterly tell your co-workers at the cracker factory that you knew me ‘way back when’ and that you actually aided me in my ascent to world domination. You can curse my name and hope I die for so quickly forgetting all the little people who supported me! That sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Now start [censored] you spineless, talent-free morons!