Check out my new antique broach!

LONDON (Reuters) – British rock star Ozzy Osbourne’s son Jack had jewelry worth $382,000 stolen from a suitcase during a flight from Los Angeles to London, the Sun newspaper reported on Thursday.

What? $382,000??? Jewelry?

You know, I started to wonder about this Osbourne kid when I saw him laying in bed with his mom, under the covers, on that show of theirs.

But seriously, travelling with almost 400 grand in jewelry? Really? All I have, in the way of ‘jewelry’, is a Movado watch my parents gave me when I graduated college. It’s basically too nice to wear with anything I own so it’s been sitting in a box for the last 8 years. My mom actually wants it back, you know, since I’m not using it or anything.

$382,000? Wow. Meanwhile, my car still has a huge dent in the bumper, I live with 3 other people in a 2 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment and my bank account just dipped below a hundred dollars.

Seriously, people. I need some money. Give it to me because I don’t want to work for it.


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