I’ve become too mature!

Today I was driving in my sensible, eco-friendly car from my semi-full time job and the thought occurred to me that perhaps I have become too mature. I have a girlfriend and I sometimes wear a sweater over a collared shirt. I take vitamins and medicetions to control my cholestorol level. Alot of times I will decide not to drink or stay out late because I have to get up early the next morning.
With all this responsible living, no wonder I have no time for the shenanigans and hijinks of my not-so-distant past. Just a year ago, I was living in a crappy two-bedroom apartment with four other people, crank-calling the home shopping network for fun. When I wanted to “eat healthy”, I would go to del taco instead of burger king.
One thing I’ve noticed is that when you become mature, you often engage in the same activities as before, but in a different way. For example, mature people are still allowed to play video games, just not at two o’clock in the afternoon on a wednesday. What’s the sense in that? Do I like eating pizza? Sure, but not on a “plate”. A “plate” which I will then have to “wash” while I’m “doing the dishes”. It’s just wasteful! Ditto “taking out the trash”, “doing laundry” and “using toilet paper”.
I think the answer is simple: throw off the shackles of my old life and revert to a primal, animal-like state. Goodbye job! Goodbye sensible, eco-friendly car! Goodbye underpants!
Meet the new Eric. The new Eric is always up for a good time. The new Eric is always available to go down to the mall and tell the kids in line that there’s no Santa Claus. If you piss me off, I will call your parents and I will pretend to be a CHP officer and I will tell them that you are dead. So watch out world, the new Eric is grabbing the toothbrush of immaturity and brushing the plaque of responbility from the teeth of his life!

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